A
female
age
30-35,
*_Mae93
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating a year and a month he moved in back in the summer.im 21 and hes 22. I dont go around his family or his friends because they dont like me his mom doesnt care to much for me for whatever reason I've only met her once and that was a year ago. My boyfriend has two kinds of friends he has his best friend and then he has his friends that he goes to church with. His best friend doesnt like me and never has because he says we fight to much and that im just a bitch. When my boyfriend is around him he treats me different he's a jerk to me. When my boyfriend is around his church friends hes not a jerk. So my question is should I just not even worry about his best friend not liking me since I dont really like him either? Or should we not be together? My boyfriend told me once that he doesnt care what his friends think.
View related questions:
best friend, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 If your boyfriend didn't care what his friend thought he would not treat you like a jerk in front of his friend. In fact, his friend would no longer be his friend.
that happened to my husband's former best friend. the man disrespected me when we were just casual FWB and that was fine. once we got serious my husband (then boyfriend) told his "friend" she's my partner and you must respect her. The guy will treat me nicely when he sees me now but he is no longer a friend of my husband's because my husband said to him "respect her or it's over" note what happened....
I'd realize the boyfriend does not value you as much as his friend and plan your exit strategy. And when you go do him a favor and be honest. "I'm leaving you because you treat me like a jerk when we are with your friend, I figure it's more important to you to have him be happy than me."
then go. because if you tell him this bothers you and you don't make him stop you have NO power at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2014): I know friends like this who say other people fight too much not noticing how they act toward each other. His mother might not like only because he has you others of sons tend to be very jealous. I have the same problem with my boyfriend. One of his friends is acting up toward me, and he says nothing. Based on that we have lots of fight, and I am thinking of just leaving him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2014): I'm sorry to say this, but a red-light flashes when I hear an OP say they aren't liked by their partner's mother or friends.
There has to be a reason.
Usually that reason is that person is withdrawn and unfriendly. They are resistant to participating in family- events, and standoffish. That is interpreted as antisocial behavior, or snobbery.
I would say 99.99% of the time, it is. Sometimes it's flat-out bigotry, both ways. You don't give too many details. So things have to be left to speculation, and a lot of guessing.
First impressions are usually lasting impressions. You only met his mother once a year ago? You haven't made any effort to turn things around in all that time? Which now leaves a a big question-mark about YOU.
I doubt his "church-friends" are going to be mean to you for no reason. That is out of character and very UN-Christian. They may be fundamentalists. Some sects are often intolerant and judgmental.
Do your have piercings and a lot of tattoos? People tend to prejudge, without justification, just based on appearances.
In this case, I am more inclined to believe they may be reacting to your personality. I really do. I don't think you are a warm and fussy person. I think you have a lot of attitude.
Under those circumstances; you have my sympathies, my dear.
He's under peer pressure, and if you do argue and bitch a lot. I wonder how his friends know? Do you show your behind in-front of his friends? They will be supportive and protective of him. That's what friends do. I doubt he's purposely being a jerk to you in-front of them unprovoked.
He's showing them he doesn't let you push him around. He may also be admonishing you for showing a bad attitude.
He can't defend you, if you publicly show your bad-side; or behave rudely to, or in-front his friends.
I wish I knew more. If only he could tell his side of the story.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2014): don't care for that pathetic jealous friend. he's just jealous that he's not the centre of attention. he's acting like a 3 year old having a toddler tantrum. but, i think you should bring up the time that your boyfriend said he didn't care about what his friends thought in a convo with your boyfriend. tell him that you're not convinced because of the way he acts. make sure he knows that your not going to stick around and take it! he's being a total fool, and he needs to find out before its too late. good luck x!
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (16 February 2014):
 I don't think you should care what his friends think but you should care about what HE thinks AND care about how he behaves.
Your boyfriend clearly cares about what his best friend thinks because he will treat you like a jerk when they are together.
He doesn't behave like this in front of his church mates.
As far as I'm concerned he needs to grow up! He needs to decide if he loves you or not and if he does, then he needs to start acting like a man and treating you right in front of everybody!
He needs to stand up to people and defend you or at least defend his decision to be with you.
True friends and family may not like you but they would accept you because you would make him happy.
If this guy can't grow a pair and treat you properly then perhaps you need to rethink this relationship!
I hope this helps AB x
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 February 2014):
Your boyfriend may tell you that he doesn't care what his friends think, but his actions speak louder than words. He has allowed his best friend to call you a bitch, and when he is around this friend, he also treats you badly. No amount of Church-going or Church friends are going to make up for that. He should step up and stand up for you. You're his girlfriend, that is something that this friend needs to be told to respect. If your boyfriend doesn't do that, doesn't stand up, then he's not worth your time.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2014): Hi,Some straight speak is what I have for you.You seriously need to set some boundaries... this is hard, when you love someone, but in the end he will respect you for it and YOU will respect you for it.When his ''friend'' is having a go at you, he needs to grow some balls and stand up for you... but instead he's joining in the ''fun.'' Your boyfriend is a really weak person! Forgive me for saying this but that's what he sounds like.You need to tell him that you expect him to respect you and be a real MAN and not just a fair weather boyfriend. He should defend you before his friend, and not give in to peer pressure. It sounds like he's influenced by whoever he's with... he's a nice guy when he's with his church friends, but he becomes a jerk with his mean friend. He seems to me to be very easily swayed and a weak person.You deserve respect and better treatment! Set boundaries for him in your relationship!
...............................
|
