A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'll try to make this as short as I can... About a month ago, my boyfriend of a year dumped me. His reasons for dumping me were, because he wanted to be single, he thought we were more like "buddies", and he was "tired of hurting me". Our relationship was a turbulent one and there were times when we had such good times, as well as many times where I was just so depressed because he didn't always act like he really cared about me. But I loved him so much and would have done anything for him. I tried to be the best girlfriend I could possibly be and did not act clingy...So after the breakup, he says he still wants to be friends and "doesn't want me to hate him". A few days later, he sends me a text with a picture of a drawing I made him a long time ago and he said that when he found the drawing, he got "really emotional"...that only added to my confusion. At first I was willing to try being friends but it just hurt too much so I told him I just could not be friends with him anymore. And he blocked me on Facebook and we no longer talk. And the other day, his best friend told me that my ex cried a couple days ago because he saw something that reminded him of me, but he asked his best friend not to tell anyone that he cried (but his friend still told me).I have been having a mix of emotions since the break up...most days I feel fine and actually stronger and I feel like I've found myself again. But some days I miss him terribly and wish I could go back in time. Why does he apparently miss me if he's the one who left me? And how can I get over every last bit of love and feelings I have for him? Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2014): If he ever really cared about you, of course he will have moments of pain, and feeling sorry things didn't work out.
Second-guessing will cause conflicting emotions. That's all it is.
You don't have time for his drama-queen after-thoughts.
Crying doesn't mean he wants you back. Grief for a loss is being human. He is unhappy he had to breakup, that doesn't mean he is totally sorry that he did.
I caution you not to hang your feelings on what you've heard. You'll start to develop false-hope, that will keep your feelings on hold; and keep you from healing and moving on. You have your own recovery from the breakup in progress. This is a setback you don't need.
Your task is to get-over your grief, detach, regroup your feelings, do some self-improvement, and move forward.
You shouldn't listen to rumors. Ask his friends to stop updating you on his personal affairs. You don't care to know; because you're moving on. He had the chance to work things out; but chose breaking up instead.
Don't be confused or distracted by his carrying on. Focus on your own feelings. Don't be held emotional-hostage like so many people after a breakup. Going back and forth.
Hanging in limbo worrying too much about what their exes are feeling or doing. It prolongs your misery.
He broke up with you, and he told you why. So play that over and over in your head; until it makes all your curiosity fade away. Why would you want him back after he put you through all this anyway?
You wouldn't worry, if the thought hasn't crossed your mind of getting back together. Waiting by your phone for him to call and makeup. You wouldn't have written your post, if you weren't caught-up in that fantasy. Keep pushing on, and forget about it.
Do not prolong your grief; while your mind is all tied-up in confusion about a guy who dumped you. The time to show his feelings, was when you were together. Don't you think?
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (16 February 2014):
 Take a step back and break this down.
You were only together a year. That really is a very short period of time in relationship terms, yet you say that year was turbulent.
The first year should be a fun, happy, getting to know you time not an emotional rollercoaster.
You say there were some good times but also that there were many times that you were depressed because he didn't behave like he cared for you.
So, in the space of a year this guy has caused you to be depressed many times.
You say you "tried to be the best girlfriend I could possibly be and not act clingy..."
You should not have to TRY to be anything, in any relationship you should only have to be yourself. You should be able to be yourself, to be relaxed, natural and comfortable, you should not have to consciously think about how you are behaving!
Do not make the mistake of focusing on all the good times and then imagining that this relationship was the best thing ever.
Remember the good times with fondness but be clear that things were far from perfect and move forward.
Do not communicate with your ex, you have no need to, and when "so called" friends feel the need to tell you how much he's missing you, just politely reply that you have moved on and are not interested.
Let's face it, he made his decision, if he's unhappy, tough! You deserve better.
I think you're a gentle, loving person who cares deeply about other peoples feelings and when others are hurt, you feel responsible and want to make it better.
You need to carry on moving forward and rediscover yourself. You will continue to get stronger and you will have learned valuable life lessons from this relationship, but don't let your kind nature prevent you from moving forward by allowing yourself to dwell on his emotional state.
His unhappiness is his fault, not yours, keep travelling forward sweetheart.
Sorry to be harsh but I hope this helps AB x
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