A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys, I have been on a few dates with a guy recently and the problem is he has very bad breath indeed. He is not very attractive facially and has the bad breath and when I first met him I didn't fancy him that much but he made me laugh and seemed quite sweet so I thought I'd give it a go. He is ten years older than me (he is 51). The other thing is that in addition to this he has been making some rather nasty snide remarks about his ex wife and his ex GF that he was with for a few years after his ex wife. How important do people honestly rate physical attractiveness and things like bad breath?? Am I being far too unfussy here (he is quite tall and slim). Would people honestly keep going out with someone who had very bad breath and was not that fanciable, even if he did have a great personality. The thing is that I am worried about him slagging off his exes - could this suggest an abusive personality trait in addition to everything else. I'm really interested to know how importantly people rate the physical stuff because I am always told that I 'don't set the bar high enough' when I date. Am I in the minority or are there other people out there who would compromise a lot?? I would really appreciate answers as this is troubling me, particularly as I am very clean myself and I am told that I am attractive, intelligent, funny and kind, yet this guy seems to be trying to put me down at times by making a few comments about my size (I'm tall medium build size 16 not skinny but not obese either) and also comments about where I live because I live in the ordinary part of a good area and he says I should have married a richer guy when I was younger in order to have got a better house out of the divorce!! Help! Is there something wrong with me. Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): His halitosis could be a sign of gum disease and that he is at risk for heart disease. Secondly, the fact that he speaks badly about his previous partners is a sign that he will be judging you when he gets comfy with you too. He never forgets. The fact that you find him unattractive and possibly unkempt tell me you should pass on him until a finer manly specimen spots you. He's got three strikes, so he's out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): I was married to a very thin bad breathed man. During courtship I truly thought I could grow accustomed and work with it post-marriage.
The truth is, I once read that if your partner simply doesn't smell good to you, he just never will. The attraction you have at it's peak during developmental stages is the best it gets. I was married for nine years, and his breath got worse and worse and worse to me. Even during the birth of our one baby I had to stop pushing and say, "Don't breathe on me."
Many folks say that love is not about physical attraction, and in a very real sense, that's true. But physical attraction takes off that edge; it makes it okay to overlap space all the time; in bed, in the bathroom, in the car, during dinner... So you can get through the fact you think he's disgusting if you distract yourself with everything else.
The second issue, being angry (hurt) about his ex still, is a huge massive, neon sign the size of a small country telling you this is a big signal that you too will be the object of his hatred. It's not that he's hateful toward his ex as much as he is just hateful. His ex is only a target, if you will, a place for the hate to go.
Each time I dismissed a partner's hatred for another woman such as an ex or his mother, I have deeply regretted it, because he didn't just hate her, he just, simply, hated. And trust me, it shifts and turns and transforms, and you are the next one in line.
Sorry to sound negative, I really am, but I understand these conditions, and it's great you came on here wondering about the long term effects.
My last words are, your instinct must be telling you to run, not walk, run, away from this guy. And get into a good thing with someone who is emotionally healthy and balanced, and you just can't get enough of the smell of his yummy skin and breath.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 How a man treats others would show you what kind of man he will be. Today it is them,tomorrow it will be you .
You have been warned ! If you still want to proceed with him , you will have to carry extra baggage's.
If people do not make attempts to present themselves in a clean and presentable way, it leaves much doubt about their attitudes towards life.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Oh Honey! Trust what your gut is telling you! Who cares if this bore make you laugh. That is his only redeeming quality that you mention here. Yes you are too unfussy! Listen to your friends - yes you are setting the bar too low! Good grief! He's got very bad breath and also makes snide makes remarks to you about your size and where you live! Dump this jerk at once. The bad breath is a sign of a serious bacterial over-growth and poor hygiene in his oral cavity - ick! I hope to God you haven't kissed this wretch! Find a nice guy who has better hygiene and treats you with respect.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Okay, so he's got horrid hygiene, insults his exes and already has insulted you?? Well, two out of three of those things I could maybe excuse if he was the sweetest, kindest, warmest, most amazing guy you had ever met. But tag on these snarky remarks about you, and that's strike three.
I'd ditch him. Doesn't sound worth the trauma.
Good luck, sweetness! You deserve better. Pity his exes.
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A
female
reader, trishine +, writes (1 April 2010):
At first I was going to advise you that looks are not the most important thing when it comes dating. I was also going to suggest that you give him a few subtle hints about his breath. However, after reading your posting in its entirety I have to just keep it real. If a man is not that great looking, he better make up for it in other ways. He needs to at least have a wonderful personality and succeed at making you feel special. This man doesn't do either. He's ugly, has bad breath, makes inappropriate comments about your weight, insults where you live, and feels the need to speak ill of his exes. Realistically, what will it take for you to run like hell?! A beating perhaps? RUN, RUN, RUN and DON'T LOOK BACK!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (1 April 2010):
 You know, when we date, let's face it, all of us like to feel an attraction to the other person, that's just natural. And of course, once you start dating a person, they can grow on you, I mean, you look past the physical and into the person--their kindness, sense of humor, ect..But originally there has to be some "spark", right? As far as the bad breath, that is unattractive and I don't blame you for being put off by it. Unless there is a real medical problem, that is something that could be fixed probably pretty easily...But the snide remarks..uh..those would really turn me off. And yes, when people talk really badly about their ex, it always makes me wonder what kind of a person they really are, you know? I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. I think you are just seeing and sensing things that make you wonder if the guy is worth dating. If I were you, I probably wouldn't keep dating him, just because of his comments. Think it over. How much are you willing to compromise? Don't sell yourself short sweetie!
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