A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I are happily married. Going to be 9 years this summer. Everything is great. We love each other, love our wonderful children, and are each others best friends.My wife never dated a real lot before we met, but she did date this one guy "Jim" for almost 2 years and in her words, he was just the boyfriend who entertained her and filled up part of her life for 2 years, she says she never loved him, but did really care about him, and I can see that having dated him for almost 2 years.We got married and moved out of state for my job. Great opportunity, only 1 hour away from our families, and we loved it. Well, Last summer, I got offered a better job back in my (our) old hometown, and my wife finished college now that the kid are in school and pre-school, so she got a job as a teacher also. Money is almost double what we made before.Problem, We ran into "Jim" at the local grocery store. Turns out he still lives there and recognized my wife. No problem I thought, but I guess, because our phone# is listed, he now has our phonoe# and address, and has called a few times and even stopped by. My wife only told me he stopped by 2 times, but who knows. My wife thinks it's not big deal, but I'm not comfortable with him calling or stopping by. I know my wife loves me, and 'supposedly' never loved him, but he was her first and only other than me. Does that make him have a special place in her heart? I mean the first wouldn't matter if it was a stupid lousy back seat of the car thing, but not only was he her first, they were together for almost 2 years. I know she loves me, but I still feel upset in my stomach thinking that he might stop by. I don't want to be a jerk and beat him up, and I don't want to tell my wife to never talk to him if she sees him in the store or at the mall, but I don't want phone calls, or visits. Am I overreacting?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (27 April 2009):
 Personally, I think that you're overreacting. The comments you'll get back, I predict will be all over the map. But, it's because all of us have different levels of trust and different histories. My fella and I have a great, trusting relationship so he could care less if I hang out with exes. He knows that they're stand up guys and sometimes he comes out, but sometimes he'd rather stay in.I think with this guy, unless you have a really good reason not to trust your wife, or if she's been shady with guys before - I don't think you should be worrying. She's married to you, she's committed to you, she loves you. Why would she ruin that for an ancient relationship that her heart wasn't even in? They broke up for a reason - she was probably looking for love and she found it with YOU. If you tell your wife to stop seeing him, that could be messy. I suggest you go for a different approach, maybe ask if you can all go out to dinner. You can pick up on this guy's vibes and get to know him! I'll bet he has some hilarious stories about your wife when she was a young'n, and your wife will see how great you are being about this and love you that much more.Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): yes you are over reacting. Is your wife allowed to have male friends?
This one, ok has a bit of history - but you have one hell of a lot more. so what if he was the first? The relationship with him, helped make her the woman you chose above all others on the planet(hmm thats come out wrong) but you get my drift and more importantly she chose you.
Talk to her, tell her you are uncomfortable with him around so much.
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): No, you are certainly not overreacting. He should not be stopping by. But really you should just calmly talk to your wife about it.
I am married and stayed friends with my previous boyfriend after I got married and later my husband told me that it made him feel uncomfortable even though he trusted me and everything, and because I love my husband and an ex as a friend is really not that important, so I told my ex and it hasn't been an issue since.
So I think if you just talk to your wife she will be understanding and not engage in something that makes you uncomfortable, even if she sees no harm in the situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): There is no reason that he should be stopping by. You didn't say, but espeically if he isn't asking or calling first, and if he's doing it when your wife is there alone. If she wants to be in contact with him again, then she needs to be okay with you being there, every time as well. She shoudln't be chatting with him on the phone for long periods of time either. You're the only man she should desire such company from, or to be alone with.
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