A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf likes to go out with his friends once in awhile. It doesn't bother me that he does, I trust him. The fact is.... he does not respect my feelings on the aspect of smoking pot with his friends. All of his friends do this so he does to. I asked him please not to because I almost lost my daughter over that stuff and he has kids himself. He has smoked in front of me before, I get upset he knows why. When I try to talk to him about it he says "it's done and over now there is no reason we need to talk about this." He tells me after he smokes because he feels guilty, he seems to show he cares what I think but he won't stop doing it for some reason. Awhile back ago he pulled a stash out of his drawer and said he needed it to escape from me. It hurts me knowing that he needs some kind of substance in his system to get a break from me. I freaked out because that stuff was in the house with my daughter. I don't want to lose her for something stupid and illegal of someone else's doing. I talked to him about keeping it in the house, he hasn't brought any back in since we talked about it. I don't mind him having a few beers with his friends but smoking...... yeah it does. I feel like he is being disrespectful to me for it. I just don't know how to handle this situation anymore since it has been on going. I do not want him to make the same mistake I didand lose my kids over it. I have tried talking to him many times but he seems to ignore it and just keep doing it. What should I do about this situation? I want him to still go out with his friends and have fun but without sneaking smoke behind my back.
View related questions:
a break, smokes Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 April 2013):
Things like this are annoying to me. You claim he doesn't care what you think in this situation. "He feels guilty" is a sign that that's not true.
What is true is that you don't care about what he wants (to smoke weed) AND you're trying to force him to quit while making him appear to be the bad guy simply because you don't like it.
Don't you see the problem here?
BTW you didn't almost lose someone to smoking weed. I don't mean to be disrespectful but that's not something people die from.
A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (12 April 2013):
I don't smoke pot nor do I encourage it. Actually, I dislike the smell and effect it has on people.
That being said, you mishandled this situation. He smoked weed before you met him, he smokes weed now and he will probably smoke weed in the future.
You mention having almost lost your daughter because of marijuana. Unless he is the father, or somehow directly responsible for that close call, how is that relevant?
You are throwing guilt around.
Since you feel so strongly, you should have parted ways the first time you saw him smoking pot. Now you are in this trap.
Issues like this cannot be forced. Either get over it or get out.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): OP the question all boils to this. He's not going to stop smoking it no matter what you do, that's his social scene, no matter how many promises he makes after a few drinks he'll probably always think it's a good idea.
OP is a compromise possible in your mind or is this just a deal breaker? If it's a deal breaker, then know that he will not stop for you. You know that he won't, he's not a kid, he knows how you feel as you've made it clear so if you can't compromise and he won't stop, what option have you left?
He does something you're opposed to, won't stop so what are you waiting for? Move on.
Now if you could live with a rule that he only ever smokes it's while drinking, only with his friends, never brings it home, is not stoned during the day, keeps working, earning money, and keeps doing all the things expected of him then that can work. If you feel you could. If not then you have no choice but to go, no reason to feel guilty or anything like that, you don't want weed in your life, he does so you can't have him in your life.
Personally I'd try the only when he's with his friends and as long as that is only once or twice a week thing. I mean you don't mind him drinking and that's far more harmful and far more likely to wreck lives. Just as hard to watch a person die of liver failure after years of fucking up their life on alcohol as it is to watch someone do the same with weed. If it's a fundamental moral issue for you then he is not the guy for you, his friends are also "low lifes" and frankly I don't know why you are with him then.
...............................
|
