A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 50year old woman who has been married for 19 years. My husband isis a retiree. We have a 16 year old autistic son. Since the beginning of my marriage, my husband's best friend has been a thorn in our marriage. His best friend is a 70 year old devorced man who is completely anti-respect for women. He has multiple relationship and he brags about his treatment of these women. For the whole 19 years of our marriage this man has been disrespecting our marriage by saying inappropriate things to me many times in the presence of my husband - when I protest, both he and my husband say it just a joke. He said something inappropriate to me the other day - he and my husband went on a business trip last year and he said to my husband in my presence "mind I tell me what you did in Florida" I was hurt because my husband looked up a female friend while he was on his trip. I voiced my disapproval to both my husband his friend for this disrespect. they both labeled it a joke. The short of it is I voiced my disapproval to my husband's friend when he came visiting with his brother - I just told him I was offended and he spat out a string of expletives for the neighbors to hear in the presence of my husband and my husband did not stand by me. When his friend left I asked him how could he have allowed this man to come into our home and treat me like without an intervention and my husband started to verbally abuse me in defense of his friend -saying I should have left it alone. Todate, my husband is still defending his friend even though I told him that he disrespected him too. I have asked my husband to cut off his relationship with this man to save our marriage and he promised only to find out that 5 days after his friend's abuse he calls my husband to invite him to his house to party and my husband wanted to go. I am thinking of filing for divorce I feel hurt and betrayed because last year I had to deal with my husband crossing the line with my next door neighbor in my house in my presence. The friendship between my husband and this man is 40 years and I tell my husband that there is no disrespect in friendship and our autistic son and our marriage should be his focus not his friendship with this man.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 April 2013):
 I have to agree, he seems to prioritize his "friend" over his family.
I have to say I heard nothing about love in your post, so maybe? this marriage have run it's course?
I would contact a lawyer and get some advice.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 April 2013):
 It sounds like this marriage has outlived it's usefulness. Speak to an attorney, get your ducks in a row and when you're ready, make your move. No need to inform your husband of your plans just yet. It might make things even more difficult.
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A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (12 April 2013):
You are right to feel this way. However........
You mentioned that this "friend" was a thorn from the very beginning though? It should have been a red flag and you should have stayed away.
That is the problem in 90% of relationships. One party is asked to bend much more than the other. Then one person gets fed up or "straw that broke the camel's back" situations arise.
So, your relationship has devolved and it is time to move on.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 Hi
Sounds like he has made his choice, he puts his friend first. What shocks me is how long you have tolerated it, your husband probably thinks you will continue to do so.
I would go see a lawyer, sort a divorce and start afresh with your son. Your husband can see his best buddie all he wants then,and I bet he gets bored soon and realises too late who mattered.
Good Luck
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