A
female
age
36-40,
*icoletaye1987
writes:Hi everybody.I need you to judge me. My boyfriend said I'm too jealous. We been together for 3years on and off. I always check on his stuff. Like his cell phone, computer. I always see what he been watching on the internet. I found out last past month he been watching porn with 2 girls. I got jealous so, i talk to him he said he's not gonna do it anymore. And 2 days ago I saw he search Kim Kardashin nude pics, naked pic of Kim. And I got jealous. We have a big fight. I wanna know if he is a player. Is somebody turn on him more than me? Am i too ugly for him or what? Am I wrong?
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jealous, player, porn, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Notice all the comments that give you bad advice come from guys, who are probably in the same or similar situation as your boyfriend. By insulting you they are trying to justify what they do. Although if he is a teenage boy, it's not uncommon for him to be looking at this stuff. If you are not okay with your boyfriend watching porn, you need to let him know. If he still does it then end it with him. A relationship works both ways. He should be considerate to your feelings. When he says "you are too jealous" he is only ignoring your feelings. If you were important enough to him, he would understand just how much this upsets you and wouldn't want to watch it anymore because you are the most important thing to him. You should be in a relationship that makes you feel great about yourself, not one that puts down your self-image & self confidence.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): I can't believe he stayed with you that long. You have major trust issues, and insecurities.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 No, he's not a Player. If he was a Player he would be out playing not sitting at home playing with himself!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): You do sound verry insecure and jealous.
Your boyfriend is looking at porn/ nude pics because nude women are fascinating. The fact that he us with you is a testament that he thinks your beautiful.
You need to sort out this insecurity problem so you don't destroy your relationship!
Checking his stuff is untrustful and hurtful. Don't!
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I LOVE the way dirtball broke it all the way down for you! There's nothing I can say. All I can do is tip my hat to dirtball for his Well Spoken Words.~No Watered Advice Here!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 November 2010):
 You are too jealous and untrusting. Searching is phone and computer is juvanile and he shouldn't put up with it. Just because someone shouldn't have anything to hide doesn't make it alright to invade their privacy. Take care of your trust issues if you ever want to have a healthy relationship.
With regard to your specific questions.
Is he a player?
Not if he's not out playing women. Has he had a lot of short relationships? Since you've been together 3 years, I would seriously doubt he's a player. No player would tolerate you invading their privacy like that either.
Does someone turn him on more than you?
Who knows, but really it doesn't matter. He's with you and you're beautiful to him. Maybe he looked Kim up because she's famous and he heard about her sex video. Curiousity makes people do weird stuff sometimes, don't they madam phone snooper? Maybe he finds her attractive. Who cares? He'll never get with her so what do you have to be worried about? You think he's really going to leave you for Kim Kardashian?
Are you too ugly for him or what?
Having not seen you, I can't say, but I seriously doubt it. Him looking that up doesn't really have anything to do with you other than he need a little fantasy to escape the strain you put on your relationship by having no trust for him, being overly jealous, and invading his privacy. Looks aren't everything. I've known some extremely beautiful people who had the ugliest personalities I've ever known.
Are you wrong?
You're entitled to feel however you want about any given situation. That's part of being an individual. I think that you're wrong to be jealous that he looked this stuff up, but that doesn't mean you might not have a good reason for being so jealous. I just think that after 3 years together you should trust him. If you don't, then why are you in the relationship at all?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Well guys do it a lot anyways. Ask yourself if you are rewally against it? Maybe he has fantasies but is scared to tell you?? The whole going through is stuff is definalty mistrusting but a diff issue.
I don't loo at porn as being cheating. As long as he isn't sticking it in anyone else. He might just have a crazy sex drive or an internet sex addiction. Looking at celebrities is not a bad thing...I would only worry if he starts to look at illegal stuff.
But ask him about it and set boundaries and tell him how u feel.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I think your biggest issue is the fact that you are insecure with yourself. Being jealous? Not trusting him? That kind of a stuff is a serious turn off for guys. I'm not saying he is an angel and I really don't want to get into another porn post (there are countless posts already on this site dedicated to porn)
Constantly checking up on him and going through his things is a serious sign of mistrust. Healthy relationships are built on trust.
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