A
male
age
30-35,
*obro
writes:What are my feelings? What are hers? Did I upset her by mentioning the other girl when we had dinner?Is she having feelings for me or concern?A few weeks back I was visiting my very close friend for the day before she left to go abroad for a year.(we are friends in uni).At one point I was very attracted to her, but she didn't reciprocate, or I blew my chances on what may or may not have been our first date. Despite this I still feel there is something more, and others do to.anyway since then I had a relationship with another girl. it didn't work out but I remained friends with the her and we have become really close. once in a while though my feelings for this second girl come up again.now, before I went home after visiting the first girl, we had dinner together at a restaurant (we have done before as friends) and in the course of the conversation i mentioned my feelings for the girl i had been in a relationship with.she seemed quite taken aback, maybe shocked or disappointed.does this mean she might have feelings for me still, or is it concern considering my relationship with the other girl finished due to sad circumstances?one more thing, after the meal at the train station we hugged, and then she linked her arm with mine to walk me to the train doorI will never go out with the second girl again. I know this.My feelings for the first girl are, perhaps quasi-romantic. No attraction, but I have this deep and certain feeling that somehow we'll end up together one day, and probably marry. I can't explain it.EDITsince she has gone away, I have felt definite attraction. but maybe it's just a case of absence makes the heart grow fonder.She seems sometimes to really say and do things that indicate attraction, and then just as suddenly show signs of rejection. Very odd.How is it that she can reject me, yet still say or do things that are perhaps romantic? For example linking her arm with me, ending a conversation online with "all my love" and most of all...I sent her a small gift as a reminder of me, and she tells me she keeps it with her at all times and is with her everywhere. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Don't worry girls do those things for some reason. They like to show interest and give romantic gestures but not too much incase something else comes along. This confuses them a lot and of course men. Us men also do the same thing to them.
Just keep enjoying the anticipation of it all. It is a good feeling and it's always fun chasing. she likes you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): I think she likes you but probably doesn't trust you or your feelings. I don't know how you blew it the first time, but maybe whatever happened is still in her mind. Also, having the second girl in the shadows is bound to be off-putting. And the fact that you aren't even sure of your own feelings is going to come across, so she is hardly likely to be explicit about her own feelings. But from her reaction I'd say she likes you.
But if you aren't attracted to her, or only when she is not there...what's the basis for a romantic relationship? If you feel attraction when she is not there then you are feeling attraction for the idealised person, not the real one.
I think it is easy to fall back on this girl after things have not worked out with the second girl, becasue you're feeling insecure and you want to be wanted. It would be validating if she liked you. But I'm not sure you actually like her enough to get involved with her, and my guess is that she can sense this.
Could be totally wrong though, you're the one who really knows! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Blod  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 It's hard to say. It sounds like you're very important to this girl. Her reaction may have been a mixture of her concern and feelings for you. It's difficult to say.
So, although this could be a bit risky, I think you should go with your gut. Analysing all the little things means that you often miss out the obvious. Regardless of all the little signs, if someone asked you if she liked you, and you had to answer with a yes or no answer, what would you say? You seem sure that you'll end up together and, despite her going away, you haven't grown apart.
Try talking to her and don't be afraid to ask her how she feels. Do what feels right at the time. Good luck.
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