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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid;I am involved in a long term relationship, which I am hoping (fingers crossed) will eventually lead to marriage. I'm not unexperienced or new to sexual encounters. The problem I am having is that in all my past experiences being with a man, it was always a little kissing, into a little foreplay, then intercourse, and then he'd cum and that was the end of it. I thought this was normal. Recently my signifigant other has started complaining that we're having problems in the bedroom. He says that after he cums he wants more foreplay to get up and go again. The main thing he is suggesting is that once he cums in me, he wants me to go down on him again to get him hard. The idea completely grosses me out. Not about going down on him, but doing it after sex before he's washed with all those mixed fluids from both of us still all over down there, it seams almost unsanitary. I'm starting to feel inadequate and insecure in the bedroom now. He said that most girls do stuff like that and that thats why you hear stories about couples going for hours sometimes is cause the guy cums multiple times, this is a new concept for me, I always thought once a guy came and went limp he needed recoup time. Do most couples do this sort of thing? Is it safe (meaning in a sanitary way)? He says foreplay is for before during and after sex, I always thought it was for before only. Am I the naive one here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2005): Hey girl..It's not at all unusual for your man to ask for more in sex. You could ask him to clean up first, that would be an attempt to meet him 1/2 way. Also you could keep a box of wet-wipes by the bed and do it for him, that may get him happy again, kind of a foreplay. But it is something that you both need to agree on in the sex department, it is after all supposed to be for the both of you to enjoy or you will eventually start avoiding sex altogether. Women tend to be a bit more queasy when it comes to sex than most men, maybe it's due to our moral subconsceince, maybe not but discussing it with him is a good thing. I am sure there is a way for you both to get through this one..Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2005): Yeah, people do it.. And some it's ok, and some people think it's gross. Myself, I don't think I'd ever do it, like you, "clean up 1st, then we'll talk" but not after he cums and he's been inside me. NO WAY. I remember when my ex cheated on me. He got w/ the girl he cheated on me with. We stayed friends and one day I asked him why her? what does she have that I didn't have. and the only thing he could say was " well she gives me head after I cum" well you can have her babe... Anyways, the best advice I can give is to just talk to him and tell him you're not confortable doing that. If he loves you, he'll respect you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2005): If you are sure of yours and you partner's sexual health, which it sounds like you are, and there are no std`s or yeast infections and everything is healthy between you, then it is OK but only if you are comfortable with it. You should never let yourself be forced into doing something that you just don't feel right about. Talk to him more and explain how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Foreplay can come into the act of lovemaking before during and after sex just because its name says foreplay doesn't mean playtime is only for before the main act.You should not feel inadequate though different women and relationships like and work on and around different likes and dislikes. After all, if we were all the same wouldn`t life be boring?I hope I have been of some help to you.
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reader, madam treudeau +, writes (28 April 2005):
When you kiss are you not exchanging bodily fluids. Perhaps he is wanting you to prove your love for him, by being willing and open to doing and trying new things in the bedroom as it were. Just don't condemn the guy for wanting to make it all night with someone that he is obviously crazy in love with. Honestly though, the choice is yours and yours alone. Praise him for his wanting or bore him; it is up to you. I think Dr. Ruth would agree. What you put into a relationship, you reap many times over.
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