A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 2 weeks ago my hubby and I had unprotected sex, and he came in me (w/o permission) for the first time ever while I wasn't on BC. I am now a week and a half late, but 4 preg tests in the last 5 days have said I'm not pregnant.Today during sex he came in me again without permission. I asked him very bluntly "So, do you want to have a baby?"He said yes.Here's the background info: I've wanted a baby for about a year now, and he's been on the fence about it. I told him I didn't want to get pregnant until he was sure. And even once he was sure I had told him I would want to wait a few months before we began trying so I could prepare myself emotionally and be ready.And now he does this!!? He's trying to get me pregnant without telling me about it?! My questions:Should I be extremely mad at him?Should I ever forgive him if we are pregnant? (Men almost never forgive women for getting pregnant without permission- ie skipping pills).How long, if we procreated 2 weeks ago- until it will show positive on the test?How should I approach him about it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Birth control is the responsibility of the pair of you.
If you don't want to get pregnant now then you need to use something, either take the pill or use a condom.
WHY are you having unprotected sex if you don't want to get pregnant? The pull-out method isn't a method of contraception.
People who have unprotected sex either want to get pregnant or are stupid. I don't know which camp you fall into.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is an intense breach of trust. I agree with your reasoning entirely. You need to sit him down and give him a firm talking to, and give him the comparison you gave us. Ask him how he would feel if you would have just stopped taking BC awhile back without telling him just so you could sneakily get pregnant. It isn't right or fair. You said you would be ready SOON AFTER he decided, not immediately. You wanted notice so that you could take some months to prepare, and he deliberately ignored that. That is VERY disrespectful.
Try keeping some morning after pills around or using a condom/BC until you feel you can trust him again and are ready. YOU need to be emotionally and physically ready. YOU'RE the one who is gonna be carrying that baby for 9 months.
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (9 September 2010):
So,you're saying he came in you without permission and you're not on the pill...Do you guys usually use the withdrawal method?Coz its not safe anyway,you can still get a child.Get on the pill and stick to it,if you arent pregnant already anyway.All the best!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): He might be trying, since he did that twice, unannounced, so I wouldn't have sex without a condom, until you're very sure you want a baby as much as he does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): He should have talked with you but in all fairness you told him you were ready. you were only waiting on him to be ready. guys are dense about these things. if you conceived 2 weeks ago it should be showing up...mal
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): thats borderline insane, and I'd imagine illegal. i wouldn't trust him with anything
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Here's the thing. If you don't want to become pregnant, you should not trust your birth control to someone other than yourself. It *is* a severe breach of trust for him to do that without your consent. You will be the one doing the work of carrying the baby and giving birth to it. It's YOUR body!
If you procreated 2 weeks ago, you should be able to know in the first days of your missed period. If you're nervous, a quick visit to the Dr. would set your mind at ease.
I would recommend getting the morning after pill, or better yet, getting on birth control pills. As long as your husband is overriding your feelings, you need to take control. If it were me, I wouldn't have sex with him at all until a serious talk was had. I could never be intimate with someone I couldn't trust.
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