A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys/gals. any advice would be appreciated. my fellas family are just driving me mad! ive been with my boyf for nearly 4 yrs now, both come to a point where we would like to get engaged and married. HOWEVER, his mom is just being a pain in the arse, shes baiscally saying, that he cant get hitched untill his older sister gets married first and i find this so daft! shes baisically told him that if he does decide to get engaged then he can expect no help from the family for the wedding, also, shes told him she doesnt belive in year long engagments which makes no sense at all, ive known people who have been engaged for years on end. Baiscally, hes torn now, i dont want him to feel like hes being pulled both ways, and theres no ways his 'mother' is having any of it, so what do i dooo folks? argha x
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female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 is this woman reasonable when it comes to at least talking and spending time with you at all?
if so why not take her to lunch?
try to explain that you understand that he will always be her baby even when he has his own, but you love him and want to make him happy. add in you know that he is important to her and visa versa and wouldn't want to do anything to jeapordize that, but you don't want your own relationship to suffer because of that. she could come around or atleast get to know you a little bit better. what does the sister say about this? if she won't talk one on one with you try going with your boyfriend or getting him to talk to her?
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 She's bluffing. As if she would totally ignore you and her son if you decide to get married. She would be ostracised by the extended family, as nobody on this planet can justify such petty behaviour. I think you need to call her bluff, maybe its time someone showed her she is not in control of her adult son's life anymore.
But the real issue here is her controlling nature I believe. There is no mention of your bf's father, does he have a say? If you do get married you've got your work cut out for you in the future anyway, I dont envy you.
If I was in your position I would say to the mother, "that's fine we were planning on getting married in a registry office anyway and just inviting friends".
You see how quickly she does a back flip.
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