A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i don't know where to start... I am married with kids. my husband is like a little puppet or puppy whenever things concern his family. he loves them too much he is too thoughtful and considerate when it comes to them. the thing is it is not MUTUAL!!! i mean they don't even remember his birthday while he always calls them... the point is he remembers... i don't know what to do. If I tell him anything he doesnot listen and even defends them. What am I to do?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (27 July 2009):
 Stay out of it. If you say bad things about them, you might hurt him. Maybe you think you understand the situation fully, but you really don't. And even if you do, it's up to him to realize what is going on.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (27 July 2009):
 You can't do anything. He is obviously close to his family(on his part) and is probably controlled by them. He probably has no inkling.
Bsts you can do is either accept or leave him. Maybe he needs you to wear the pants in the family while he wears the skirt.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 July 2009):
 Unfortunately, they are his family and he has the right to be thoughtful and considerate and remember their birthdays if he would like. Honestly, it doesn't have anything to do with you. I would let him handle birthday remembrances and other anniversaries as he would like. Of course he should extend you the same courtesy.
Hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): I think he is responsible for his relationship with his family and you should just stay out of it. Just because he is your husband it doesn't give you the right to try and come between him and his family no matter what you think about them.
He is doing what he wants to do.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (26 July 2009):
He will defend them to anyone and everyone, no mtter who you are he will keep there name clean throughout. Although the truth is obvious to you it wont be to him, its a common problem that is usally left with no solutin, he wont admit what he knows to be true nor will he be told. This kind of thing is something personal to him, he needs to find it and see it himself, nobody can tell him and i nderstand how fustrating it must be to watch the one you love be crushed by his own family yet still remain faithful and reluctant to dissapoint. There really is nothing you can do, he wont accept rejection or you trying to explain the facts.
Why not talk to his mother, take it slow but make it clear simply mention he can get rather upset when you miss a birthday but as i mother i know how stressfull life can get, although your showing her your unimpressed your not giving the excuse for a row.
The more you try to tell him the more he wont listen and he will avoid any chance of discussing the matter, some famalies are this way and its alwaysdifficult to accept especially if your from a close family. Everyones different, yet i see your view here and im sorry i cant give you a soloution that will make him see, he has to do it himself or he never will.
Try and be patient, the truth will come out in time,
Best of luck
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