A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 17 and still a virgin me and my boyfriend have been dating for three months.He is 27 and already he has a daughter.He says he will wait for me until I'm ready to losemy virginity with him. I'm quite ready,but since he is experienced im kind of nervous on what to do when that day comes?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): Wow,some people put some real heartless points in here,huh.Lets get 1 thing straight,Im a graduated student of a Police Foundations course,leagaly any man or woman that are ages 18 and up CAN LEAGALY date the oppisite sex at ages 14 to 15 as long as there is no sexual contact by law.16 to 17 year olds are leagaly aloud sexual contact with the youths concent.Now,to me you man seems respectful enough to wait until your ready,and if your ready to take responcibility in being a parent with his kids and hes devoted to you,than continue your relationship.As for you being a virgin,it will hurt you a little your first time but I promise you,youll get used to it and enjoy it alot after the first to third time and youll think to yourself,hey that wasnt so bad after all.Youll be fine ok.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2013):
 the more you make out with him the more your feelings will grow and the less you will want to resist going further...
you are playing with fire.....
YOU are not the one doing wrong... HE is. I have to be honest I can't see in any way shape or form other than sex what you would have in common with a grown man of 27 who has a child (and an ex)....
what do you two have in common? hobbies? music? what interests?
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (28 February 2013):
"anonymous female", I'm glad to hear your family is aware of your relationship. That's good.
The responses have already told you the "bad" possibilities in your relationship. Did you read them? At best, he is looking for a live-in housekeeper and babysitter, with sexual benefits. At worst you could become a one-night stand represented by a BIG notch on his bedpost because you are a virgin.
What are the "good" possibilities? You may have met your life partner. But you have not yet developed the insight and maturity to know whether he is or not! (That is not meant to insult you - it's just an honest statement of where you are in life.) It will take at least 2 or 3 more years before you will be able to make an accurate judgement of whether he is "the one" for you.
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A
female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (28 February 2013):
I say save yourself for a male virgin around your age then you and him would be on the same level, both inexperienced, that 27 year old man is lying to you, he's already having sex with other women so therefore he's willing to wait for a little precious thing like you.
You're like a precious piece of gold so save yourself for a precious piece of gold and not for someone with a already made family. He should be thinking of his daughter
and not trying to have just sex with a 17 year old girl. Does this man pay child support?
Think before you act!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): im actually never alone with this guy i usally have family around ive been talkin to him for about a year now which evetually i & him both grew feelings and it turned into our 3 month relation ship. when me and him are together its just making out holding hands hugging && talkin nothing to advance becuase like i said im NOT quite ready to go that far yet my parents are aware. i just wanna know if im doing wrong becuause like i said he is way older and does have a little girl. and im scared that out of these ten months talking (3months of dating included) ive grown a good amout of feelings for him and dont wanna end up hurt i wanna know what can be the good as well as the bad in this relationship.?
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (27 February 2013):
If this guy has maturity and integrity, he should be looking for somebody to be a wife and mother to his child. From your question I don't see any evidence that you are qualified or interested in filling those roles.
If he is NOT looking for a wife and mother, then he doesn't have the character and integrity to have a sexual relationship with you.
For the vast majority of 17 year olds (either boys or girls), a 3-month dating relationship isn't enough time to be ready for a sexual relationship even if you think sex is just something for friends to do when there isn't much to watch on TV. If you think sex has more significance than that then 3 months is no where close to enough time together. Look at the posts in the "virginity" categories on this Forum - there are many people who regret losing their virginity too soon into a relationship or at too young an age, but VERY FEW who regret waiting.
If this relationship is good for both of you then you should both be expecting to wait three YEARS, not three months, before you add sex to your relationship.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2013):
 Have you had a chance to read the answers to your question? There are plenty of sites out there that provide clinical information on what to expect in a first-time sexual encounter. You can even search the site here: http://www.dearcupid.org/search
I'm wondering why you haven't come back to provide some followup?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2013):
My first question… do your parents know about this boyfriend? IF NOT, then until they know about him, there is no way you should see him. If they do not know..why have you not told them? I know that my parents were very fair (in retrospect) with me at age 17 but there is NO way they would have let me date a 27 year old man with a child. In addition, I’m a very cool lady and I was an awesome mom to my stepdaughter and at 17 had she come to me with a 27 year old man I would have let him hang out at our home but I would NOT have allowed them to go out on dates or be alone together. There is just too much life experience a 27 year old man has, that a 17 year old girl does not.
I am not sure when you will be 18 but until you are 18 you should NOT be sexual with this man.
Are you on birth control pills… do you take them properly (daily around the same time) are you aware that antibiotics or other medications can render them useless? Are you willing to have an abortion if you get pregnant?
What will happen to college? Does he have custody of this daughter and is he perhaps looking for a “babysitter” for his child?
What are your college plans?
IF you are NOT on birth control pills… then do not have sex. Period end of discussion and do not let him be oral with you… no giving blow jobs honey….
And yes see, there is a double standard for a 17 yr old GIRL vs a 17 yr old boy… and I’m sorry there is but it’s a huge fact…
Tell me about what you two do when you are together…. I want to hear about these dates.
And when does he see his child.
Basically I’m doubting you are mature enough yet but your follow ups will help me determine how to best advise you.
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A
female
reader, 30anddating +, writes (27 February 2013):
 WAIT WAIT WAIT I was in a similar situation At your age but the guy lied about how old he was... You truly do not know this person well enough to give him something so precious.... I say wait until your in a long term relationship or married!(to someone close to your age) being a Virgin is so rare Don't take it lightly it might be all this guy wants from you...just think about how crushed you would be if he leaves you it happen to me...my dad told me "Everytime you have sex with someone you are giving a price of you away" that always kept me from sleeping around not everyone your attracted to deserve a piece of you or your soul forever!
Take care sweetheart!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): You are too young to handle a sexual relationship with a guy 10 years older. He's counting on the possibility that you'll give it up, and most likely soon. He's not being noble,he's wooing your trust! Are your parents aware of this relationship? Most likely they aren't, and you aren't going to tell them.He already has a child, and probably told the mother of his child just what he's telling you. He already has a kid to take care of. Save yourself until you are old enough to make this decision as a woman, and you're emotionally prepared to handle the consequences.Do you want to be a teenage mom? Do you plan to go to college, or work at a low wage job caring for a baby resulting from loss of your virginity to a man well over your level of maturity? I hope you will stop and think.Glad you did take the time to ask for advice. You really should have asked your mom. I think you already know her answer. She would be very concerned for you, and would want the best for you. You instinctively know that he isn't going to wait for you too long. Maybe until you're 18, and he won't have to be concerned about statutory rape. Then he'll move on to the next innocent virgin.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2013):
I have to ask, what advice did your mother give you in this situation?
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 At 17 you seem a bit young to be playing the role of Mum. After 3 months you're ready? You should leave it at least a year (if at all with this guy).
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