A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've known him since April 2009. Well, we used to know each other when we were kids, but then he moved away and neither of us cared cause we didn't used to like each other. He's 24, I'm 22. Either way, we've been dating for 7 months. He's in the UK. I'm in Canada. I saw him in the summer of 2009. It was the most amazing thing ever. We don't have fights, or arguments. But, he broke up with me for a day (lol) in Novemeber 2009 because he had to deal with some family problems. But we got back together and everything. He told me what had happened, and said he was sorry, and that he'd never do something so stupid again. Anyway, he's supposed to come see me in March. He already booked his ticket and all. A couple of days ago, he messaged me and said he wasn't sure if he should come, cause I have school, and he'd be disturbing me. I called him, assured him he wouldn't be. And he was good with that. And then he started being weird. Not talking properly. No more saying 'i love you', and the only time he doesn't say it is when there's something wrong. I know him well enough to know that. I let it go because I thought he was just having a bad day, and he doesn't like talking about his problems too often. After that, he didn't contact me for a day, which is a big deal for us because we talk everyday, so I messaged him instead, he responded with "We need a break" and I asked him if we could talk about it, he said: If you want yourself to have a chance, you'll let this one go. WTH does that mean? He says none of this has anything to do with me, and yet I'm the one he's running away from? I wish he would tell me what's going on, and what's wrong. I'm worried sick. I can't call him. I messaged him on facebook letting him know that I'm still here, and just said hi and stuff. He didn't reply. I know he has exams till the 26th of January so I don't want to bother him till then. But I was thinking of calling him after that. He didn't say how long the break would be for. I need to know. So, I'm not sure if I should call him. I don't know what to do. We love each other. We've talked about spending the rest of our lives with each other. So then why can't he just tell me what's going on? And now coming in March has become a 'maybe'. And that's killing me. What am I supposed to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI broke up with him.
But I emailed him.
I don't care if he responds or not.
I just hope if he really does have problems, he sorts them out, and he's alright. I really do love him, but I don't want to feel like he doesn't want to be with me.
Thank you for the advice.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 January 2010):
Guys don't talk about emotions for a lot of reasons. The biggest reason is that unlike women, when we talk about how we feel we don't really feel much better. But if action is needed, that's where we really respond. That's why when a man is upset, he says nothing and goes and does something, like watch TV, or go to a pub. That's why by giving him the ultimatum, you will know how he feels. He will either kick himself into action and fight for you, or he won't.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd if you really loved a girl, and she gave you that ultimatum, you would try and work it out. It's stupid cause the problem's got nothing to do with us! We've never argued about a goddamn thing. He says he doesn't want to bother me with his problems, that it'll bring me down. What the hell? You're a guy. What problem could he have? If it was another girl, I'm sure he wouldn't bother with me at all or ask for a break, he'd just break up. Cause he doesn't have to care what I do. I live an ocean apart.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 January 2010):
I think you need to tell him that unless he wants this to work, it will end because you will have to move on. You will be able to tell from his reaction whether he wants it to end or not. Or you can always come back here for more advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, I should end it then? I should call him right now and tell him it's over? I want to be there for him if he's really going through a hard time, but if he really wants to end it, I can't do much about it I guess.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 January 2010):
To be honest, this sounds like it's coming to an end. LDR's are very hard to maintain, and unless both people are totally committed, they won't work. He just isn't committed enough, and it could even be that he's met someone else. I think it might be time to move on. I know that's not what you want to hear, but take it from a man that when a man is in love, nothing stops him. He has made excuses and is now after a break. I think he's looking to end it.
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