A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I actually don't know what to do. I feel like I should break up with my boyfriend but I don't know if its the right path to take or even how I would do it. Here's a bit of background, apologies if its too long. I've been with my bf three years, and known him for five. He's a really sweet guy. We lived in the same village for two years, then I moved away for the third year for college. In September, I have several choices of where to go next, none of which are back home. He wants to move wherever i do and is putting no pressure on me to go where he wants - its all in my hands. He's come to visit my twice and i've gone back home four times. it just doesn't feel right any more...he's more of a person to talk to than a bf, though we still ahve an active sex life when we're in the same place. we talk at night on skype cause i don't have that many friends were I now live and he has none at all. What gets to me is his lack of ambition. I had hoped that by going away he'd be spurred on to do something, this just didn't happen. he spends all day asleep or playing xbox. when he comes to visit, he spends all day in my room, watching the internet (i don't have a tv or even a sofa) he will cook me dinner and lets me go about my daily life, but his visits just seem so pointless. When i met him at the train station last week, there was no excitement to see him it was almost resigned revulsion. the issue is he's just so damn nice, my parents love him, his parents love me. He's the nicest guy on the planet and would give me the sun, the moon and the stars if he could, and wants to marry me. It would be so hard to break up with him cause I can't hurt him. I kinda feel that he's not good enough for me, because I have two degrees and he hasn't bothered to even try get to college. I don't want to break up with him and regret throwing a sweet guy away, but I don't want to regret wasting years of my life with him. I try to make him finish when we're having sex as soon as possible so I can either go to sleep or do soemthing else. He's extremely attentive in sex so its not like i don't enjoy it, its just....something to shut him up I suppose and to stop him feeling depressed about how shit his life is. How do i break up with him? i'm supposed to be going home for a week with him on Saturday and I just don't know if I want to go, I don't think I do, but how do I get out of it and break up with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): {Op} I had to come home with him because he caught food poisoning while staying with me and I'm not that heartless that I'd make him travel on his own while sick. Thanks for the advice! I'm gonna try say it to him this week, or if I can't work up the courage to do it, I'll leave him a letter to read when I get my train back. I know i don't want to be stuck with him forever, no matter how nice a guy he is. Maybe in a few years, when he's got himself together and is back to being the guy i first got with.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Maybe I am going to sound rude, I assure you I am just curious : WHY do your parents love him ?
Lack of ambition, no education, no job, sleeps all day, xbox as only interest... he sounds like the typical future son-in-law from hell !,the nightmare of every doting parent.
Anyway, this relationship has clearly run its course, and the only thing that is keeping you with him is the fear of awkward, painful moments when you break up.
Some times you've got to be cruel to be kind. Eventually you would not be doing him any favout if you'd stay with him ,or worse, marry him, thinking that he's not good enough for you and feeling something close to revulsion. You can hide these things for a while, but eventually they always come up to the surface, in general with destructive tidal waves.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): Some relationships inevitably reach a point where one person outgrows the other. It seems as though your guy has stood still while you continue to push forward. There shouldn't be any guilt on your part, however, you should take the time to explain to him why you cannot continue the relationship. Be direct! Write a script if it might help. If you find that you cannot bring yourself to do it in person, try doing it over skype. It's a harsh...but it might be the only way. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, boredofit92 +, writes (27 May 2011):
lol this sounds alot like me! been with my bf 3 years and although i love him he cant be bothered getting a job while im off at university etc, plus i just dont feel that hes the person i want to spend my life with! If you defo feel like u dont want to be with him anymore you jst have to be honest, just say youre starting to see him more as a friend and you think its best for the both of you if you move on. once your at college you will hopefully have distractions and maybe he will be going out with his friends more- its just something you've got to do like ripping a band aid off
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