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female
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*weetblack27
writes: I started seeing someone, we've been talking for a month now, and we are intimate. He is a very strong willed and strong minded black man. He has a lot of beliefs about certain things and of course I am a writer and I have my own opinions and I should have. But it seems that sometimes I can't really speak on certain things with him without him stating that some things I don't know about and I can't speak to him on them. He's right and I'm wrong, regardless. He's older than I more than 11yrs. He's 37 and I am 26. Our discussions more than two now have blown up out of nothing. I was thinking about ending it with him before my feelings get too deep. I talked to him about it and he agrees that we might not be compatible due to our differnce of opinions. That as a man he is the head of the household and as a woman who wants to be with him I have to be willing to deal with that. What advice do you have for a situation such as this? Should I work it out and see where it goes? To not end something on who's right and who's wrong. Not that I want to change who he is because I don't. I really like him and the reason I am attracted to him is because of his mind, and intelligence. I don't want to end it if it could be something more. I guess my main question is is it OK to settle yourself down into a position where most of the decisions will be on your partner because of how he thinks, his beliefs and his knowledge? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (23 March 2006):
 I think he sounds patronising and controlling. Are you looking for a father figure? You could stay with him and develop low self esteem because you will not be aloud to speak even your opinion without being told off, or you could find a man who belives in equal relationships.
This must've already made you quite anxious otherwise you wouldn't have posted the question and I am concerned that if you stay with him, he will slowly take control over you. You sound like an independant person who wants more out of life, this is why I don't think you will be happy in this relationshi.
I think he wants a women who will stay at home, wash up and look after the kids and have dinner on the table etc. And thats fine IF that is what the women wants. I do know some women who want nothing more than to simply be a good housewife. However I also know some very independant women who don't want that! Neither of you are wrong in what you want out of life, but why settle for second best. If think doing that will make you dreadfully unhappy. I do think you two are incompatible.
You never know, if you make your independance known to him, by not settling for second best, he might like it and adjust to you, but if not you may be better of without. Do you realy want to be controlled and patronised by the 'love of your life'.
Sorry if my answer is harsh, but I do hope it helps, Let us know x x
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