A
female
age
41-50,
*sharinat
writes:Hi there,My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years. When we first got together I got pregnant right away. He slapped me when I was 8 weeks pregnant. I miscarried at 14 weeks. I tried to get away from him but moved back in with him after I miscarried. At different times he has slapped, kicked me and thrown things at me. Most of the time he was drunk. Except the first time he slapped me he was sober. We now have two children. He has not hurt me since my daughter was born. I now have a one year old and a two year old. He still yells at me in front of the kids. He swears at me and my daughter has starting repeating what he says. I am in denial that I am still in a DV situation because he no longer hits me. Now he withholds his help or monetary support when he is mad at me. Can I get some feedback. He says he is not doing anything wrong. and when we got a DV assessment through the court he denied everything to the social worker. I want to run far away from him but at the same time I think I love him (so typical right?)
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female
reader, huraiva  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Situations like this are sometimes harder than people think.I have experience with being in an abusive relationship , And also I can give some insight from the childrens side of things.As far as the children go, I was adopted when I was 7 years old, And my biological parents were always shouting, swearing, throwing things at each other etc, Although my father never hit my mother. I know this has affected how I view relationships, I am extremely self destructive with relationships because when I was young..THats all I saw. Back to the parents eye view, I was in an abusive marriage until rather recently. I felt like maybe I was wrong, and I was making him hit me, it was my fault. I said to myself that i was stuck , I couldnt do anything because i still loved him.So yes, I understand that you may still love him, Its not that your feelings are wrong, Or that you are lying to yourself.But i must say, from all my experience, And i know this is difficult, But you must leave him. Its not safe for you, Its not safe for the children.Look after your family.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 July 2009):
 yes it is hun!
you need to get help fast he should NOT be swearing at you infront of your children as you've said your daughter now swears and repeats what he says.
he shouldn't yell at you infront of your children because they will pick that up to be the right way to be and end up being like him and thinking it's right to yell at people at swear at them.
you need to get out of this relationship and make sure you are far away from him as possible!
why would you love such a monster of a man whom slapped you and kicked you and everything else to you he's worn you down to nothing....
you need to build yourself back up and fight back by saying
"no he will not do this to me anymore! i am gone!"
grab your stuff and GO far away!!
leaving him to be alone and remind himself of what he did to an amazing woman!
Hope this helps hun :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Sounds like you know the answer to this. But only you can make the decision to leave him. You are being emotionally manipulated and abused. You may think you love him but you deserve much better. Real love is mutual respect and appreciation. Sounds like he neither respects or appreciates you. It's your life, you can be with whoever you choose but I'm sure there are better men out there who will treat you better. Plus its not fair that your kids have to witness his abuse.Good luck :)
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