A
female
age
30-35,
*uicylovex3
writes:please no criticism, I'm asking for advice....this guy and i are coworkers hes 27 I'm 20. my schedule changed to one that is similar to his so i drove him home from work and stuff for a while. last summer, he just randomly started kissing me. we kinda were getting close. we went out last august to the park and he asked me to be his Girlfriend. i had no idea about his situation, and i was speechless. i told him id have to think about it.. since then we have been flirting nonstop, making out, whatever.so.. his situation: we work with his wife. though they are still technically married she doesn't give a crap about him. they still live together, but she has a boyfriend (i used to drive her to his house before she got a car) a few nights a week. i just don't get why they won't divorce.anyways, i just want to be official with him. im at the point now where i would quit my job to be with him. of course, find another job. but im in love with him. i cant stop thinking about him. especially after last night him grabbing my hand while he walked past me. he calls me his baby, and he went out of his way to talk to me and say goodnight.. though we are so into each other at work and i cant imagine myself without him, he doesn't really text me anymore outside of work, and he no longer suggests that we hang out outside of work.. so what is that supposed to mean? how do we get any further in a relationship if we are just hanging at work? i haven't had an opportunity to do anything. (if i could ever push my shyness aside) i mentioned hanging with him before,.. but nothing ever came of it. PLEASE HELP? THANKS SO MUCH!
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at work, co-worker, divorce, flirt, has a boyfriend, kissing, she has a boyfriend, shy, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): ok im in a kinda similar situation im in love with yes a married man but yes they are seperated but yes living together and u know what i disagree with everyone else i say go for it and try to make it work u should text him and try to get together he could be giving up because u never answered him about being his g/f so tell him u want to meet up and do something then give him ur answer and i think u both will find thats what u want and i hope everything works out for you:)
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (28 May 2010):
 I must throw in with CaringGuy and KC100, they've both offered you very good observations and a solid "heads up" on this.
I fear you've just learned a very hard lesson, sweetie. You're a minor, sweet distraction to this guy who is only filling the time til his wife tires of her boy toy and they reconcile their marriage and you're left out in the cold wondering why it seemed so real when it was actually nothing to everyone but you.
Your best course is to lock it all down, this instant. Forget his guy. If he were leaving his wife, he'd have done it by now. It is VERY rare that married men leave their wives for a replacement. You can fool yourself into thinking that you may be one of those rare exceptions, but that's all it will be: fooling yourself.
This type of thing happens in marriages all the time. The smartest thing to do is stay out of the crossfire altogether. Spare yourself this wicked form of heartache. If some one's married don't become involved with them. You'll be the loser every time.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (27 May 2010):
 He doesn't seem likely to progress to a relationship, y'know. If you like hanging out with him or it's just abou the sex (which does not seem to be the case from what you've written, it would be OK, but if you think you're falling in love, you should get out while you can. I've personally found married men are rarely good for anything other than casual sex.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 May 2010):
He's a cheating married man who will never commit to you. Ever. He won't leave her, no matter what. He just won't. What he will do is continue to use you. You won't have kids with this man, you won't live with him and you will always come second. You'll never be anything other than a mistress. So it's up to you. You can be nothing to a married man, or something to another, better man.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Look this is so typical of cheating men - they will never leave their wives for the mistress! Yes they are both cheating but if they have not split up then clearly something is keeping them together, I mean they live together so are happy enough with each other to live under the same roof! If you really despise someone that much then there is no way you can live with that person, it would drive you insane! So it is pretty obvious that there is something keeping them together, plus they still care enough about each other to live together. So he clearly is not leaving his wife any time soon, and certainly not for you.
You seem to have much stronger feelings for him than he does for you - you would jeopardise your career for a man whereas he wont even leave a woman that apparently "doesnt give a crap" about him. I think you need to accept that this will never be official, that there is a lot going on in his marriage that you have no idea about and you are just his bit on the side.
I mean he wont even speak to you outside of work! It sounds like he is just having a bit of fun with you at work to try and pass the time during the day when he is bored, and then he can go home to his wife at night and not give you another thought.
This is not a relationship, I know this will be really hard to hear but this is not going anyhere, you will never get what you want from him so it is time to call it a day. Only you will end up getting hurt in all of this, not anyone else. Leave this guy alone with his weird marriage, it sounds like they have a lot of issues and need to work them out. If needs be change jobs - working with him and his wife is just weird and wont be a good envionment for you to be in, so if there is ever a good time to change jobs now might be it.
Be strong and do the right thing - you are only saving yourself from a lot of hurt in the future so really you will be doing what is best for both you and your married man.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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