A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am seeing a guy who i met 3 months ago. He is still living in the same house as his wife, they are getting divorced, she refuses to put the house up for sale.He says he hates her and yet he allows her to spend his money, go out for meals with her friends, away for weekends and nights out all using his cash. It is destroying our relationship. He has now asked his wages dept to pay his money into his private account but only because i nagged him about it. I wonder if he really hates her as much as he says. He says he loves me but i doubt him all the time because of his situation. He seems genuine about his feelings for me but i argue with him all the time because he is being too nice to her. Why is he doing this? He says he wants to leave her as soon as the house is sold but if she refuses to sell, what can he do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): Tell him that you will continue the relationship once he has sorted out his problems and divorced his wife....
Guaranteed in five years from now the situation will be the same... sounds like he is happy in his mess!!
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (14 November 2009):
 Assuming that he's telling you the truth about his marital situation, it's probably best to butt out of his finances. If you've only been seeing each other for three months then nagging him about his personal financial arrangements only makes you look like you're more interested in his money than you are in him. He may not care for his wife any longer, but if they've been married for several years then he probably feels some obligation to keep looking after her, and may be trying to keep on her good side in the hope that she wont be too greedy when they divorce. He might bitch about her to you, but if it was bothering him so much he wouldn't need you to tell him to have his wage deposited elsewhere, he'd already have sorted it, and he'd also have moved out of the house they share. Have you ever spoken to the wife, or been to their house? Does she know about you, or do you just rely on what he tells you? Do you know for a fact that they have filed for divorce? Perhaps there's much more to it, but it sounds as though his marriage isn't really over and he's playing the "I-have-to-stay-because-of-money" card. If it's ruining your relationship, I'd suggest ending it until he's got himself sorted out. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 November 2009):
Very little. First of all, do they have children? If they have children under the age of 18, then he still has to provide a place for them. Secondly, hiding money away in a private account could land him in trouble during the divorce, because all assets can be taken into account. By hiding money, it could lead to further problems further down the line. The only way to move forward is to wait for the judge to decide what happens. The house can only be sold if there isn't enough money or if there are no children involved. The next thing is does she work? Because if she doens't, he is obligated to pay for her. He can't just stop her spending his money, because she is married to him and as such is allowed a certain amount. However, I am interested that he still lives with her, because this could cause yet more problems. Why has he not moved out yet? That could move things on further.
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