A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a gay male in my mid-20's. Just by way of background I recently got out of a 4 year relationship in which I was living with my ex for most of that time. About 8 or 9 months ago I met a guy and we became friends. I didn't even know he was gay until a month or so later. We quickly realized how much we have in common and developed a close bond. He was there to support me through a lot of the darkest times as I was trying to get out of this aforementioned relationship. This guy and I would hang out occasionally and it quickly turned physical (just hugging and kissing). Recently I noticed him pulling back in all of our interactions so I finally decided to speak up the other day and just ask him if I was a disappointment. He said that no I was not and knew a long time ago that I was wanting more with him but he's just not sure what he wants right now. He also has never been in a relationship before (he's a few years older than me). We had a long heart to heart in person that night. I called and texted him a couple days later saying how horrible I felt about everything and that I wish I had never broached the subject because I hated this awkwardness between us. Later on he wrote back with a long email just saying that I deserve better and he's not sure where we can/should go from here. He feels he let us both down...Basically I'm just so distraught over the whole thing. I wrote him back saying how special he is to me and that HE deserves the best. I said I really would like us to maintain the friendship and bond that we have. I haven't heard anything since and it's been about a week. I know it's best to give him his space but I guess I just want to know what you think I should do in general. I really feel strongly about this guy and don't want to let him go. I also really don't want him to just give up..I'm so scared that's what he will do because he is scared about allowing things to progress.Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for listening.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Ok well if he is a virgin no matter what age he is he is going to feel quite scared and unsure of what he is doing. It sounds like he just doesnt feel comfortable yet with who he is or what he wants and its obvious he cares about you so he is trying to keep his distance now so that he doesnt hurt you in the long run.
You are right to give him space but also you need to ensure him that you dont want him to rush in to anything that he doesnt want to and you are happy with just being friends at the moment. Maybe give it another week to see if he contacts you and if he doesnt well then tell him that you are not expecting anything from him but that you miss talking to him and having him in your life. Reassure him how important he is to you and that you dont want to lose him. Goodluck
A
male
reader, gaydating +, writes (29 April 2011):
Something similar happened to me. Anyway, 1st of all give him his space and wait til he gets in contact with you. also, maybe he doesnt want somethings more serious (relationship) with you. Many people say that you deserve something better and blah blah when they are not interested in you. The guy I was going on dates with, told me the same thing. That he saw that I wanted something more than friendship and that he wasnt ready because he just had broken up with his bf. But later I found out he was looking for a bf on a dating site. Sometimes people tell you that you deserve something better, but thats like another of saying I'm not interested in you. Just move on, and see him as a friend. and let him contact you 1st. Btw, I know what you are going through because the same thing happened to me like a month ago. I havent heard from him like in 3 weeks....Just move on.
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