A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend proposed to me a few weeks ago...Kind of. Basically, the subject has come up once or twice, in passing. He knew I would say yes if he asked. We were lying in bed, drifting off to sleep, and he started to speak, being very hesitant and sounding a bit nervous, which is very unlike him. He asked me to marry him, I asked him if he was being serious, he said yes, I said yes...Then I asked if he had a ring, which he didn't. I said it's not entirely a proposal if he doesn't have a ring, but my answer would be yes either way. He replied "ok, one day soon I'll get a ring".I did bring it up again last week, I said I thought he might have had second thoughts about the marriage proposal, and if this was the case it wasn't a problem. He assured me it wasn't, he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. So where's the ring? Money's not an issue, if he was having second thoughts he would have taken the opportunity I'd given him to discuss...What goes on inside a guys brain?!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Haha, I thought so. Guy's don't like to ask for help. If you want to help boost his self esteem, pick out maybe three or two rings you totally adore (which means you would be thrilled at getting either one of them) and leav eit up to him which one to buy, and when he will buy it and present it to you. That way he still gets to surprise you, and you are just guiding him along the first steps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe had a chat tonight, he said he wasn't really sure where to go for a ring/what sort to get etc but felt stupid asking me for advice on it as it's supposed to be a surprise type thing...We're going to go shopping this weekend & I'll choose one :)
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 u know what happens these days? we forget our traditions,and just go about things differently. first it was sex out of wedlock(not that im against it,but if the society was still shaped to support this i'd go with it),now its a proposal without a ring.do u know how many women i know that they never got a ring when the guy proposed? I hope ur man realizes this is important to YOU .But what if you're not traditional in any other comformist way? (not cook for example)....he might think ur not a traditional girl. it was a good thing that u had that talk with him,lets wait to see the results. :-)
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (27 October 2010):
You asked "What goes on inside a guys brain?!" so, as a guy, I gave you my opinion. If you only wanted "nice" answers that made you feel better, you should have said. Either way, my original answer still stands. He just ain't in to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your help...I suppose I did jump to conclusions, but I didn't want to feel like I was dragging him out ring shopping if he didn't perhaps feel totally ready to go the whole hog and buy a ring...When I do have a ring on my finger, I would like it to be there because the guy has chosen to, not because I have made him :)
chigirl - it is tradition that the man buys a woman a ring and gets down on one knee to ask her to marry him. Nowadays the down on one knee thing isn't so much of a big deal, but the female usually does wear a ring with a diamond on it, then when you marry, you both wear (traditionally) a plain wedding band.
By the way serenity80, that was a really sh*tty answer, and I'm not sure why people like you bother to put in your nasty little 2 cents worth.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 October 2010):
Well, at least have a proper conversation about it before you assume he didn't really want to get married. It's a pretty long shot assumption when the guy just asked you two weeks ago. Or wait a little longer. Two weeks really isn't that much if he first now started to look for rings. Maybe you could ask him what he means by "soon", as in a months or a year?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 October 2010):
 He replied "OK, one day soon I'll get a ring".
So he wanted to put a feeler out on how you would react, before getting a ring. I would let him do his thing. Maybe the guy is planning a "proper" proposal.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (27 October 2010):
Could he have asked you because he is a jealous / possessive type? Some men don't really want to get married they just want other guys to see the girl as engaged as in some fucked up way they think that makes them more out of bounds.
My guess is that your boyfriend can't really be in to you if he can't be arsed to get you a ring.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 October 2010):
Is it a tradition in your country/family that the woman gets an engagement ring? Or should both couples wear a ring? Or perhaps none of you at all until you are married?
But to answer your many questions, guys wouldn't take the opportunity you give them to tell you he has changed his mind. Because when you provide such an "opportunity" they see it as a trap that will send them to a certain hot place if they fail to give the right answer. So they buy their time to surprise you with the truth when you are unarmed instead.
However, I do not think that is the case with your guy. Im sure he does want to marry you, but the proposal was on impulse and he hasn't gotten around to finding a ring yet. The problems a guy face when finding a ring is: he has no idea what the woman likes, he knows nothing about rings, and he has no idea where to go to find out, he is too proud to ask for help, and he barely knows where the right stores are.
In other words, you should help him out. Take him ring shopping with you one day, instead of waiting around to have him come up with something. Just go with him. Find a ring together. Plus, you get the benefit of telling everyone in the store that you have gotten engaged and want a ring, and they can all marvel at you, AND you can ensure you get a really good ring and not something some sales-woman thinks you might like, or a rip-off.
Unless your guy works with diamonds as a profession, he knows nothing about them.
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