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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my husband for 15 years, i had an affair 5 years ago after problems in our relationship and we split for a while. In which time he slept with a mutual friend of ours. we got back together after 6 months and I thought we were happy. I have since found out that he has been back to scotland (where we lived at the time) and has slept with her on "numerous occasions". I also found out that he was communicating with a girl he met on the internet and went to london and slept with her while I was nursing him back to health after a motorbike accident. At times I feel like such a fool that all this has happened and that I am still with him, and then I still love him. I always thought I would not stay with someone who did that to me. I am so confused am I doing the right thing, we have a 4 year old and a 10 month old baby. Am I only staying for them??
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 March 2006):
 He probably doesn't really trust you. You can't blame hi either. Maybe he's trying to pay you back. Stop having kids with him. You might not be togsther for long. Their seems to be no respect in the relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): You are not a fool. You just didn't deal with the aftermath of your affair very well. He has not been able to forgive you perhaps because it wasn't talked about enough. Your affair was about you and how you felt about yourself at the time, whatever the state of your marriage.Maybe these are revenge affairs which help him feel he is in control again they are certainly about him and not the other women, I doubt he has any real feelings for these women. You need to get some counselling, you have two small children to think about and if you can repair this damage to each other you can prevent the damage from affecting them. It is so hard to end a marriage after so long, it's not that you keep giving him chances it's that you genuinely cannot believe he would continually hurt you or your children.One thing is for sure, he needs to stop the pain.You can recover from this but it will take both of you to do it. Don't ignore this behaviour, put it right and it will never threaten you angain, there is a long road ahead but you can both make it if you TALK about EVERYTHING nowI wish you well
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