A
female
age
51-59,
*lasshalffull
writes:My boyfriend has a close friend that is a girl he was best friends with in high school. They got back in touch about 2 years ago. It was a problem in the beginning because he was lying to me about spending time with her. He lied because he thought I would be upset, which I was. At one point I even confronted her, angrily. I apologized. Now, and for some time, he is more open about it, talks with me about her as he does about all of his other friends. I respect his friendship I was just wary of it involving any secrecy. He has assured me that they are just close friends, that she respects our relationship, and that he wants to share the future and his successes with me and our family. He spends his time at home, there are no odd things going on with how he spends his time, that I know of. Yet, it still bothers me. He doesn't lie about it anymore, although I know he doesn't tell me everything. He shouldn't have to. Sometimes he'll tell me he called her or something about her in small talk. What should I take this as? Also, I know that she says "love you" in her emails to him. I can understand having a close friendship, and he does come home to me. We have our share of ups and downs. I don't want to control him or take his friendship away, I love him, I am just afraid of her. Ever since I argued with her, he won't invite me to anything that involves her, which isn't much, but I still feel that I wish he would since I apologized for it. help.
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 I wonder how your boyfriend would feel if you had an especially close, "love you" kind of male "friend" like that?....Might be worth putting it to the test. Then you'll have some leverage when he becomes uncomfortable with your friendship and he'll get the big "Ah-ha" out of it and put an end to his relationship with this other woman.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 March 2008):
 your problem lies in personal insecurities. He hasn't given you reason to believe there is anything going on other than being friends, but your pondering on the possability of.
Fear comes from the thought of loss. Even if there is no evidence to support the feelings, our fear creates them. In a way, why do you feel she's better than you are? Why do you think she has the power to get him away from you, when he says you're the one he wants to be with?
The asnwer come from building your self esteem, feeling good about yourself and feeling good about the relationship you have with him.
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