A
female
age
,
*onfused in WVa
writes:My husband is on porn sights 5-6 days per week, but we only make love 2-3 times per week. Is this something I should be worried about?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): i have issues with porn and i asked my boyfriend 7 months int it (right before we got a computer)whether he had a problem with it...he said no and i said i have issues and i don't want you to ever resent me for not being cool with it he said no...but i checked on the computer...but i wasn't very savvy yet so i really didnt know what i was looking for. As i became more knowlegable i saw clues..and every time i confronted him about it he either got angry...made me feel like i was a bitch for checking up on him ..or downplayed the whole thing...well two years later i finally said i cant do this anymore what gives...i tried to learn why he did it...i like it sometimes to but he would still do it even an hour after we had sex...this icoulnt understand...i tried to be cool but i was still putting restrictions on it because i value sex as a sacred part of a commitment...and the innocence i felt was gone as long as porn was in our life and on our computer..so 2 years later hes gone and exactly what i didnt want to happen did...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): He probably just hides it from you because he's used to being secretive about masturbation...also it may add to the thrill.
His watching porn is only really a problem if you wish he was making love to you all those 5 or 6 times that he watches it...Personally, on weeks when I'm exhausted from work or just not in the mood, I'm glad my boyfriend watches porn. He gets satisfied and then we can just snuggle with no expectations! And it definitely doesn't take away from our sex life...if anything, it adds to it, since he learns to be better!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): I totally disagree with Emmajane's answer that porn is not wrecking marriages but narrow minded women are, she does not understand this situation at all. Porn can be addictive to many people, when your husband chooses to watch it behind your back, then he prefers it to you, then he develops ED because he conditions himself to need visual stimulation and lies and lies to you about it, even though in the beginning you were willing to watch it with him because you did not understand the danger it poses can you see how that can wreck marriages, they become pornstabators, it is likened to taking drugs because it releases a chemical in their brain, and they do compare us to the porn stars, that is a fact, you need to get yourself educated about porn. How do I know all this, because I have lived it and am still living thru trying to save my marriage, oh and sometimes they want to act out in real life, mine did with a lapdancer, and I am attractive, slim, smart and very sexual, none of that stopped him, so heed my warning no amount of porn is safe, but if you don't mind them being visually and mentally unfaithful to you, and sexually objectifying every female they meet, then it is not a problem is it.
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A
female
reader, confused in WVa +, writes (6 November 2007):
confused in WVa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your answers. I don't mind him looking at porn now and then. I really think what bothers me most is the amount of time he spends with it, and the fact he denies doing it. Maybe it is time to spice things up a bit concerning our sex life. Wish me luck and thank you all again.
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A
female
reader, thedirtybubble +, writes (5 November 2007):
 I think you should try looking at porn just as much as he does but limit the sex between you and him even more just to see his reaction. Sorry, I'm revengeful. I like porn but there is a fine line between fantasy and obsession.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (5 November 2007):
 I agree with Asexy. Porn is fine as long as he doesn't watch it on YOUR computer or prefer it to real sex. Do you feel like you have sex "enough"? If so, there's probably no problem. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Emmajane  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 If at 50 you are still enjoying sex several times a week it may well be the porn that's helping! I agree with the idea that you should encourage him to share it with you. True, some girls are not turned on by porn and some think (wrongly) the guy is comparing his girl to the girls on the videos. None of this is so, it's the way a guy's brain works and it's fine.
I totally disagree that porn is "Wrecking marriages". What's wrecking them is narrow-minded women (mainly) who see porn as the cause of their problems, rather than as a possible answer to it.
Since the legalisation of porn in the UK the criminals have been largely driven out of the business and it's run by sensible, careful, health-conscious adults. Making porn illegal simply places it back in the hands of the underworld who will exploit people and ... well let's not go there.
Porn is part of sex. People have been watching sexual activity since history began and it only becomes unhealthy when one party has to so it furtively.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): 2 - 3 times a week of intimacy a week sounds like you two have a healthy sex life despite his porn habit. I agree with the person who said that maybe your husband is just enjoying the view. I guess you won't really know unless you ask though, so talk to him about it. His response will tell you a lot.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (4 November 2007):
 No way! Maybe it sounds like he has a higher sex drive than you? Why not consider bringing porn into your sex life? My boyfriend and I regularly watch porn together, not in a sleazy way, simply to get the mood going! Adds a bit of spice.
Surprise him one night. Meet him at the door from work in a sexy nightie, 2 glasses of wine in your hands, candles lit, and a naughty DVD playing on the TV...Seduce him!
He might be feeling things are a little stale. Good luck ;o)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): This is dfinately somethig you should me worried about. Pornagraphy has been ruining marriges ,especially in the US, for years. You need to get him to stop or even get him teripy for this problem, because it sounds like he is an addict.
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (4 November 2007):
 To me, two things are red flags about internet porn: (1) does he prefer it to you? If you walked up to him while he was online and said "hey let's get busy" would he turn off the computer? If yes, then don't worry about the porn. If no, then this tells me he's probably addicted, and that's a very bad thing. He should always choose you over porn.
And (2) is it your computer (or your shared computer)? Here I cry foul. Internet porn sites are NOTORIOUS for downloading all kinds of mal-ware, ad-ware, and just plain viruses that seriously affect how well your computer works. You'll get ad popups (some x-rated) and your computer will run A LOT slower. If it's your computer, tell him to knock it off because it affects you.
If it's his computer, and he still prefers the "real thing" to the porn sites, then I wouldn't worry.
Here are some good sites to help you. The first is to see whether he might be addicted and how to get help if he is, the second is a free-download site for software to get all the CRAP off your computer if it's running slower because of his habit.
http://www.no-porn.com/
http://www.lavasoftusa.com/ (you want the green "ad-aware free" button)
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): How often doe he masturbate to said porn? If the answer is "not often", then he's probably just "enjoying the view".
I'm a female, and sometimes watch pornography just because I appreciate it as a beautiful thing.
As an alternative, he could possibly be afraid of asking you- like maybe you aren't in the mood. Or, some guys find it thrilling when you ask.
You can always ask if there is something saucy he wants from you. A little consentual playfulness can't hurt!
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