A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Mine is a long story......I was with my partner for 5 years and we lived together for 4 of them. Everything was great until we moved into our second house, money was really tight and we had no life together, we were practically living in each others pockets.In December last year I thought I was pregnant and we argued, my parents walked in to our house during the argumnet and him and my dad nearly got to blows. My partner walked out saying it's not what he wanted and doesn't love me any more, only to eturn the next day saying he does love me. After he returned he was miserable and wouldn't talk to me and every time I tried to speak to him he would say he doesn't love me.Just after his birthday he left and said its definitely what he wanted. We cancelled dirct debits bills, changed addresses and threw out photographs and all sorts. My heart and head was all over the place as i love dhim and still do.I have been really clingy and desperate and begging him to get back with me since we broke up, until right after xmas he phoned me and were getting on really well, he came over to my parnets while they were away and we slept together. He cried afterwards saying he regretted everything and took me for granted and i deserve better. He then came over the next night but was completely cocky and acting not bothered about anything. I just dont get him. He then text me a few weeks ago saying hes sorry, he went on a night out and ddnt feel complete. I am so confused.Since then we have been in touch but it has been messing my head up. He knows how i feel about him, how much i love him and how desperate i am to get him back. He said to me he just needs time and space to find himself and thathe felt like a machine towards the end of our relationship, and hes not ready just yet. I dont ko what to do, i cant put my life on hold waiting for him.I keep getting worried hes totally going to move on and forget me, he has a mate who is a real bad influence on him and makes out that the whole bachelor life is great, having all your own money and no responsibility, no women, just being on your own. His mate is lovong the fact weve split up.The thing is, before all the finacial pressure in our old house, there was so much love and dedication there, honestly, we were like two peas in a pod, twins, we got on so well and what we had was definately real, we had planned a future together and now he has thrown it all away. I think he has a fear of committment, and maybe just needs some space. I feel i should maybe keep in touch with him as a friend, creating no drama around him, keeping my emotions in check and showing i am strong and ok with the break up, and moving on with my life.I would do anything to get him back, he was my world and I think I'll always love him. I just don't know what to do at all. He says he has feelings for me and cares about me but he just wants to sort his life out. I try to not contact him but it's literally impossible, he's on my mind every second of every day. What do you suggest I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): the best thing you could do is give him space don't take his calls and for heavens sake do not call him when he doesn't hear from you he will start thinking of what he lost and if he loves you enough he will be over at your house begging you to come back take your power back and use it to be strong and get what you want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your advice and everything.
When i look back at the situation, my ex wasnt happy with himself, his job, his financial status and wasnt ready for committment.
I love him so much and am really trying hard not to contact him, he told me he still has feelings for me and just needs time but whenever i have seen him he acts as though hes totally over me, hes forgotton we lived together for 5 years and that hes so happy without me being free. I dont know whether its an act to prove to everyone he made the right decision getting rid of me or whether it is exactly how he feels.
In my heart it felt as though we were meant to be, i could have spent the rest of my life with him and we had discussed a future together previously. I dont understand men at all, i really dont. I just hope he comes running back to me soon, maybe if i ignore him this will work.
I just hope he doesnt get too influenced my his mates living the amazing bachelor life. He knows exactly how i feel about him and i feel like ive tried everyhting in desperation to get him back, he know this so hes played on it think. I do think what i need to do is not contact him for a while and focus on myself but its so hard when you love a man uncoditionally. I just hope he realises he let a good girl go, a girl that love him, respected him and cared for him.
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (23 January 2009):
 I am in a similar situation with my relationship which has just broken up again recently. I know the feeling of despair you are going through, you are right, it is a 24 hour job constantly turning over thoughts on your relationship and where you went wrong.
It is a real illness you probably can't face food are having serious sleepness nights and are feeling really down.
I think the best course of action and this has worked for me in the past is to keep your distance and don't contact him for a good while.
I know this seems absolute madness but during this time he will actually have the opportunity to miss you and reverse the situation.
Push and Pull!
This is what happens - if you are constantly trying to contact him and to pull him back to you the more you pull the more he pushes further and further away, so by easing off he will start to wonder what you are up to, where you are, who you are with, this will start to play on his mind for a change! He already knows how much you love and miss him so i think there is no need to tell him your plans on keeping your distance.
During this time you must start living the life, socialize with your friends more, join a gym anything to occupy your mind you will still have some sleepless nights because this is when we start mulling things over at quiet times so you must reduce them.
If you ever bump into him on a night out just make sure he sees you are enjoying yourself.
If the relationship is really mean't to be he will be in touch with you and then you will hold all the cards.
Good luck it worked for me last time.
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