A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it true that "once a cheater, always a cheater"? Or are there people for whom it really is just a terrible mistake that they learn from and won't repeat?I cheated on my college bf at the end. Didn't sleep with the other guy, but I got emotionally attached, and we definitely crossed the line physically one night. The relationship w/ my college bf had some serious problems, but I was too cowardly to face up and just end it. Also, I loved him and didn't want to have to let go. After the cheating, I knew what I had to do, and we broke up.Several years later, and a diff, grad school bf, who I'd been dating for a few years, cheated on me one night w/ a girl he met at a bar. I found out. Things w/ us had been bad for a while, and I knew it. I'd considered cheating, b/c I was just so mad at him, but I didn't, remembering my college experience.So here's the question. I never thought the grad school bf had it in him to cheat. He's generally a terribly honest person - not the duplicitous type. After a long time apart and a lot of thinking about what went wrong, we've started talking about the possibility of trying again. We were really in love, and things just got so messed up.But is it true that you can never trust someone who's crossed that line? And if so, does that mean no one could ever trust me, either, since I once cheated, also? Or are there people who really just make a mistake which, in the future, they'll be more careful not to repeat?
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female
reader, eyesramazing +, writes (6 April 2008):
Not everyone cheats. Not everyone cheats and repeats. Some people cheat because they enjoy negative attention. Others because they have a yearning to know if they are truly meant to be with the person they are currently in a relationship with. It doesn't make it right, but it happens.
I do believe that most people learn from their mistakes of infidelity. If the two of you care about each other like it appears you do, don't let anyone infiltrate your forcefield of love. people will try because they are jealous and missing that special someone in their own lives. Trust and believe in each other. You will have a happy life together the God intended for it to be.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Who can know? I'll admit that I once cheated on my second wife one time with a girl I met at a bar in a distant town. I have asked forgiveness many times. Was later single for many years, but during a third 20 year marriage, I never cheated once despite dozens and dozens of opportunities. I had become determined to stick with what was right, but boyfriends and girlfriends do not normally have the solemn commitment. You too once cheated, because of "serious problems" you say, but you could be faithful with the right attitude and a good, loving and attentive man. Again, who knows what others may do?
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (6 April 2008):
 It depends on the person to say if you could ever trust someone who crossed the line. Some people can never truly forgive someone, some have the ability to do so. If you honestly feel he just made a mistake and truly does love you, you should have be able to forgive him and eventually get past it. I believe if he does love you as you say he does, he would be careful not to repeat the same mistake. As for never again trusting him, it's all up to you, not what anyone else says you should do. Trust what you feel inside about him and his nature.
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