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He's not telling me the truth. Do I bail before it's too late?

Tagged as: Age differences, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 February 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 3 March 2017)
A female Zambia age 30-35, *yra12 writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for some time now and we just stopped using condoms a month ago(we got tested first), a day ago I was at his place cleaning up and I found 2 condoms in his jeans,now I'm wondering who else he's sleeping with. I also found 2 pairs of ladies underwear which he definitely did not buy for me because they are too big. Also when we started dating he told me he's 30 and I just found his I'd and it says he's 40, I'm 25. Please help because we are now trying for a baby and I need to leave before I have a bun in the oven.

View related questions: condom, trying for a baby, underwear

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (3 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe is a liar please leave him. I sincerely hope you are not pregnant. This man is not who he says he is. He has lied about his age, he has other women's underwear in his house and is carrying condoms. Go with your gut instinct and leave him. I wish you luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017):

He has been dishonest about everything and therefore manipulative.

While you are there he will use every available second to plant his seed because he wants you on tap.

Might be time to visit mamma because he sounds like a barrel of oversexed trouble.

Take a quick impromptu trip to the doctor and get back on contraceptive because a bun is a child and you might find out that you are not so inclined to be breeding if you are uncertain of your partners future behaviour.

I think you will have to make a very quick decision about this!

It doesnt look as if there is any halfway mark.

Either you have the child and he is the dad and you put up with him for a while or you break away and start afresh.

Wouldyou miss him if you left him?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2017):

I think in your heart you know he is probably cheating. Why would the condoms be in his jeans? Only if he left them in there from back when you two were still using them and never washed those jeans. Which is unlikely.

And the underwear, well there is really only one explanation for that.

You could try to catch him cheating, let's say drive by his house when he isn't expecting it and see if a woman is there. That's what I would do to be 100% sure.

Try all sources of information. Do you have shared friends? You could talk to people. You could take a look at his phone or emails. Again, you have to investigate so that when you confront him you have hard evidence.

When you have all your evidence, then confront him.

If you confront him now, he will just explain it away and cover his tracks like a pro. I would try to figure out who the girl is first.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (26 February 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntRestart using contraception immediately until you sort things out.

Lying about his age could have started as he was afraid you would not date him if you knew his real age. Once he had lied about it, it would have been very difficult to tell you the truth later. However, it is still a lie and he should have told you at some point.

The condoms in the pocket are definitely worrying, as is the underwear. Have you not confronted him about these items? You need to.

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