A
female
age
36-40,
*itty88
writes:Hi,heres a bit of backstory.I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, lived together for 3 years and have 2 cats together. we get along very well dont often fight and are best friends. We often talk of our future plans buying house, career etc but never have spoken properly about marriage. I asked him the other day if he thought we would get married and he said that he cares about me so much but hes not sure if he will get married and have kids. this sort of threw me, but he has had depression for 8 years and although hes come a long way in the last few years he still says his main goal his to be healthy, to have a job that he is happy to go to, have enough money that he wont be stressed or worried about paying bills, rent etc. and said that in doing this it may not be for another 10 years before he'd think of getting married and although he would love a daughter if it meant risking his health he would be happy to just be us together.What do you guys think?If we stay together will i be likely to miss out on marriage and children?
View related questions:
best friend, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): "He's not sure if we will get married and have kids with me, what do you guys think of this?'Sounds to me like he's not sure if you two will get married or if he'll have kids with you, which to me suggests he's strongly implying neither event may ever happen. I suggest you consider the possibility that he has in effect directly informed you that his life goals, ambitions and priorties are completely incompatible with yours, as that's what it sounds to me like he's telling you."If we stay together will i be likely to miss out on marriage and children?"Yes, except if you somehow find a way to get him to marry you and/or get you pregnant anyway even though it's not what he wants, then you'll be much more miserable than if you hadn't married or had kids ar all.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 March 2012):
 His saying that he's not sure about getting married and having kids can be interpreted in two ways:
1. He's not sure but he may change his mind, or
2. A so-called polite way to say "I'm not getting married to you".
Option number 2 may also mean "I'm happy with you but I don't want to feel tied under the paperwork".
I am sure that not all couples are sure they want to get married at the same time. You're ready, he's not. Maybe he will be sure in the future, or not.
Your decision has to be whether you can live with the uncertainty of whether he will get to feel he will marry you. For the time being, the answer he has given is "No, I don't want to marry you".
...............................
|
