A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really, really need some input here. I have been with my current BF for almost 8 yrs.He's 31, I'm 40. He has a job that takes him away from home most weeknights, and when he is home he's too tired to go out and do anything together, which I can appreciate. We have no sex life - he has no interest in me, however he does masturbate. He has had at least 2 "indiscretions" within the last 8yrs, although not within the last 4yrs. Today he tells me that he loves me, but doesn't think he's in love with me. He says he's not sure we want the same things in the future, but doesn't know what he wants in the future. He didnt want kids, now he's not sure he doesn't want kids (I cant have kids). In short, I guess, he's not sure if there's an "us". I'm shattered. This is the man I love to bits, with everything I have and more. He is the guy I want to grow old with. I have suggested counselling, but he thinks "they just ask questions I don't know the answer to so there's no point".Can anyone give me some advice, or words of support?Kinda lost here.:)
View related questions:
sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Hi. You said his work means hes away some nights of the week. Is he actually working during the nights hes away? If hes always tired and doesnt seem to know what he wants anymore, maybe hes suffering with fatigue or depression. Maybe thats whats making him seem cranky. Try suggesting he gets checked out by his doctor just to rule that out. If its not something like that and he genuinely doesnt see you as a couple, suggest a break rather than splitting up. Because if he doesnt know what he wants, he might decide it is you he wants after all. His reply to your idea for counselling makes me think he might be a little depressed.
A
female
reader, brandyy  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Well, it seems to me that hes trying to break it to you easily, sadly.. I say try talking to him about how you feel, if he wants kids theres always adoption! If you truly love someone you wouldnt let the simple things get in the way of that love. Tell him exactly how you feel, down to the tip point. If he's acting as he is now, then thats as much as you as a person can do. You may feel broken and it will take a LONG time to heal, but girl your still young and can find a good or even better man that appreciates and cherish you like this man should. I wish you the best of luck on what you want and wish (:
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2010):
 The part about the job taking him from home and making him too tired to go out with you, and the lack of a sex life is kinda the death knell on the relationship. He is taking you for granted, and now is in search for something else in life.
If this is the guy you love with everything you have, why is there no no sex, and why aren't you two growing and nurturing your relationship? Counselling isn't the answer here - your relationship is dying because of a lack of time and effort. I would wager that another girl has caught this guy's interest, or he wouldn't be talking to you about having no "us".
It sucks, I know. It's a blow to the ego and a blow to the self-esteem. But unfortunately, it's a by-product of taking the one he loves for granted. The best you can do is let him go. You don't want someone who thinks nothing of cheating on you (as I assume the "indiscretions are referring to), taking you for granted, or is wishy-washy about how he feels about you. You're worth more than that sort of mediocre complacency that passes for "love".
It's kinda like when you take a bath, stay in too long, and the water gets tepid and lukewarm. You don't realize it until you run out the tepid stale water and run a new tub of hot steamy water. When you let this tepid guy go, get the heartbreak out of your system and find a guy who loves you with red hot passion, you'll realize what you've been missing all this time.
And I'm thinking that once this guy loses you, he'll start missing you in a big way, because a lot of times, people don't appreciate what they've got until it's gone.
...............................
A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Hi :)
As hard as it may be for you too accept or come to terms with, he's literally putting it out there that this is the end for him. He obviously doesn't want to work it out, doesn't want the counseling, you say that he has no interest, etc. Those are true signs that he's giving. Take a look at what you wrote to us, it's all there honey.
Sweetheart, I wholeheartedly believe that you should leave. 8 years together is more than enough to KNOW exactly what you want with the person you are with, him saying he's not sure could very well be an excuse not to be honest with you. You deserve better than this. I am not trying to hurt you at all, just sharing what I get from this post.
You can have better, I know that alot of years have been invested into but he is not the only one in the world. You should be cherished, not ignored.
I wish you all the best! :)
...............................
|
