A
female
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anonymous
writes:I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He has a daughter with his ex-wife. For some reason, I get really jealous whenever he mentions things like: Oh, she use to not let me cook. It was just a general statement but I just get paranoid that I’m not as good as his ex-wife. I believe he really do love me and no longer loves her. I never told him about this feeling I have when he mentions his ex-wife. I use to not care as much. I also don’t understand why he will not be okay if I even go out for a movie or dinner with my guy friend. Isn’t having an ex-wife who he even has a kid with a bigger deal for me? I don’t know if I’m feeling unfair or I am just paranoid or even jealous. I feel I cannot say anything about this even I’m feeling upset. It’s his past and I will never be able to change it. Only thing I can do is accept who he is and all that’s in his past. I don’t want to feel this way forever. What is there I can do?
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (23 July 2007):
 You're comparing apples to oranges. How can he possibly not mention the woman? They SHARE A CHILD !! Would you prefer he calls her "madame x" or the "shadow". Everybody has baggage. If you can't accept it, it's your issue, unless he's intentionally trying to bother you by mentioning particular things about her.
You, on the other hand are quite possibly providing him with a reason to be somewhat jealous. It depends on the particulars of this other guy who you call a friend. I can see a reason for your boyfriend to be wary of this guy. Guys know guys...period. On the other hand, you can not question his ex wife existence or the validity of it. The share a child. They should remain in contact with each other.
It sounds like you're trying to rub your boyfriends nose in the guy friend of yours. What are the details about this guy? I don't know how old you are but I'm 44 and have no male friends that go out for dinner and movies with someone else's partner. Does your boyfriend know this other guy? Why don't you go out as a group? Those types of things are usually not common whenwe have life partners.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay... Let me clarify. I have accepted he has a daughter and he has his responsibility. I don't have any problem with him and his daughter. I'm only concern about my jealousy everytime he mentions his ex wife. I cannot say anything about it because it's unreasonble for me as there's nothing he can do about it. However, he is telling me he will get upset if I hang out with a guy friend. I just don't want to feel like I have to swollow all my concerns without letting him know. On the other hand, telling him I don't like hearing about his ex-wife just makes me an unreasonable person. Hope this make sense.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (23 July 2007):
I don't understand your dilemma. They are totally different. He has an ex wife and a child. Since he is a father he has obligations and needs surrounding his daughter. He's obligated to care for her and he desires or needs to have a father /daughter bond with her.
You're jealous of that. He is doing the proper thing in this situation. On the other hand, you equate his being a father to your going on "dates" with another man. This makes no sense. If you're trying to equate the two things, it's foolish.
If you can't accept that he has a child and he chooses to be a good dad, move on. Don't punish him for being in his kids life.
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