A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Problem. I have a boyfriend of 5 months. He does not live here. Thats not the problem. The problem is, he doesnt seem very into sex. Ok im not a nymph or anything like that, but I do enjoy talking about it occassionally. On one hand, I like that he isnt obsessed with sex like most boys his age are, On the other hand though, I feel like I want it more. And a few times he has just changed the topic completely when it has turned to a sexual discussion. It gives me this weird feeling that he thinks Im a slut or a freak or something. (which i am not, ive been with one guy and he knows this) It may sound weird, but I find sex to be something I am interested in. Like how he talks about music. I dont know if that makes sense to anyone out there. I went from my last boyfriend talking only about sex constantly, which was much too much, to my current boyfriend who will barely discuss anything about it. Isnt there a happy medium out there?? And is it normal for a 17 going on 18 year old guy to have no interest in sex at all? And could it work out with one person having a high interest in sex and having sex and the other not really wanting to...? Im scared it cant. I have a high sex drive beyond just wanting to talk about it. I am only this way when I love someone and really care for them, so it hurts when he doesnt have the same interest. Incase it came up in your mind, no im not unattractive, which makes it more confusing to me. I hope no one gives me the advice my mom did- "maybe he is gay". And btw, any time I have asked him about it and how he doesnt seem interested he just says "I am, just not really". I can tell hes not. Any advice would be appreciated ! Thanks all.
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female
reader, angelbbabe7490 +, writes (15 April 2008):
 yeah you are right. i just did not understand the concept of an online boyfriend. i would prefer getting to know them better in person than online, but then again everyone is differnt. good luck with your whole situation and forgive me for that other reply i wrote. hope everything works out for the best and im sure he is into sex but feels uncomfortable about the subject. give him some time and im sure he will open up to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes that does help a lot. Thanks for the advice. Ill try it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHmm possibly. Could very well be true. Thank you :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): In all probability he is into sex as much as the next guy but just isn't into talking about it as much. A lot of people aren't into casually chatting about sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt has nothing to do with not being able to get a guy here. Ive turned down quite a few guys here for this one. Hes special. I think if you limit yourself to everyone near you your chances arent that great. And I dont need to have someone in person, I would rather have the one Im meant to be with or really connect with than just find a guy here. Kind of rude to mention the 5th grade crack. Shouldnt judge something you know nothing about. Find a boy I have already met? If Im not with them its probably for a reason so I dont understand your logic.
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A
female
reader, angelbbabe7490 +, writes (9 April 2008):
don't you find it sorta sketchy to have a boyfriend that you have never met? i mean like i probably had an online boyfriend when i was in fifth grade. if you are an attractive girl why don't you just find a boy who you have already met. an online boyfriend will not work out for you in the long run. your real love is out there somewhere but you just havn't found the right one yet to please you sexually. are you two planning on meeting any time soon?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 I didn't know you have never met in person. I suppose you call each other or communicate through the web. With this new information, I think that he is interested in sex, but far more in getting to know other aspects of you before he gets into that. Maybe it is a good sign? If he were talking about sex only, all the time, or a good share of the time, I would suspect he was only after the "fun".
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I am just self concious he thinks im a slut because of how he has no interest in talking about sex and I seem to want to a lot. We have not ever met. Thats how I dont know if he would be different in person. Also, he has had sex before with 2 other girls, once each, but wont ever talk about it. I dont mean I want to hear everything, but is it wrong to just be curious about what he likes etc?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (9 April 2008):
From your post, I don't really see whether the problem is just that your problem won't talk about sex, or whether he won't have sex with you. I will assume that his lack of interest means that he doesn't talk about it, and that he doesn't seem really interested, either. Because, if you were having satisfactory sex, you wouldn't be posting this question.
Though I don't know to what extent your sex drive is different from his, I do believe a relationship would be difficult anyways if the difference is very big. I agree with you.
I find it curious that an 18 year old man won't talk about sex with a willing girlfriend. Particularly because he does not live where you live. I would expect him to take advantage of the times when he is with you.
He doesn't have to be gay, and I have no information that would hint he is.
I guess that, if this difference in sex drive is so marked, and it doesn't change, you will need to consider whether you want the relationship or not. But that's for you to decide; I wouldn't be able to say how much sex is enough for you.
By the way, don't assume he thinks you're a slut. He hasn't said so.
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