A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,So I know the answer really... He's just not that into you, move on, but as a lady in my mid 30's I still feel the need to askPathetic reallySo I meet this guy in a bar, he's funny, smart, sexy I like him a lot.We see each other it's fun, he texts me most days, I send something flirty to him he sends something back, then I send him something flirty amd out of the blue... After drinking I'm 99% sure of it"I really had fun with you, I'm just out of a long term relationship, I'm not looking for anything serious, I don't want you to think I'm screwing with you, I just want you to understand my situation"Now this is a guy that I've been close with intimately but he has never pushed for sex, he's always been very respectful.Now my thoughts and reading this (as I do send messages) would be, he's either terrified of getting hurt again (I was after my break up) or he's just not that into me.It's left open ended like I would still like to see you, but is that just for sex given the fact he's not pushed for it.Or he's still in love with the girlOr 101 different reasonsMy question is how would you respond? My initial thought was"Phew glad you told me before I ordered the wedding dress"I don't know... So over to you :)
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flirt, his ex, move on, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Not all guys looking for casual sex, ego boost or whatever are jerks and sex craved animals. They can also be very well mannered, patient and respectful. Actually a lot of them will beg you to come back for more sex once they had a taste of you. Still, if a relationship is what you want it's best to start of with a guy who adores you and treats you like a princess. Waiting for an unready guy lowers your value. Some guys want to be perpetually dating, geting the girlfriend experience without putting much effort. You don't want to waste your time hoping it can turn into something more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should add the title was not my choice :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks,I did write back, I agree with the sentiments of the ladies - move on unless your just looking for fun as there would not be any harm in me just having fun with this reason but I want more than that, and when your ready for me these situations can leave you feeling horrendous.I did write back, and its quite obvious he wants to see me again - I don't think I do now, id liked speaking to him and going out with him, this korning i woke up with a meh attitude so am putting this one firmly on the shelf and moving on.i was interested in the male perspective aswell, thank you. After my breakup it was really hard to look past the past, until only a few months ago, and if I had met someone would I have said the same thing then change my mind. So interesting viewpoint, for me if this guy still wants to date me.. Maybe but I think it's more likely to be a booty call situation and I'm too good for that.one comment I will make is that don't think the fact we didn't have sex means he loves me or anything along those lines, i find that part of the answer confusing :) Anyway thank you and plenty more people out there
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): He's not into you. I would wish him the best of luck and move on. The main reason women in this age group are still single is because they date men and pursue men who don't want them enough.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 "Too bad, I really like you but I don't think we are on the same page " - then, bye and NEXT as Janniepeg suggests.
Of course it is just foe sex and recreation, he told you !: " I don't want anything serious ". He has not been pushing for sex, because he is in his 30's, not a horny teenager that needs to pin you against the wall to cop a feel. He is an adult and knows that ,if you keep hanging out, that's where you are inevitably heading to, day more day less. It would not be, maybe, " just sex " in the meaning that he may appreciate also your company and conversation, but all on a casual , uncommitted basis .
Really, that's not a difficult one to decide, it's up to you, if you are OK with having some fun, go ahead, - if you want something serious, look elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 October 2012):
 This is what I think you should do.
Text him back 'Oh that's a shame, well if you ever change your mind, let me know'
and then back off completely.
He has stated clearly where he is at and you need to NOT hang around and be nice to him like the anonymous male suggested...that would be a disaster!!!
If you do hang around, he will relegate you to the FWB category and that will trap you, hurt you and make you look desperate.You are also more likely to witness if he decides to date someone else (ouch)
Men respond to distance. If you shared something special and part on sudden terms it's likely he may rethink his decision when he is ready for a relationship...right now he isn't thinking like that so you better get the hell out the way, because hanging round, hoping he's suddenly going to fall in love and want you, just isn't going to happen.
Don't get into any long drawn out convos with him because it won't change anything.
Short friendly text and then curtains...
That way he will have time to miss you and think about you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): apparently, he's not ready to commit to another woman, but he may be after he forgets the past. If you think he's worth the wait, stick around with him, be nice to him, and you will find out. but please don't push.
and the fact that he's not pushed for sex doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he loves you or not. for men, sex is sex, love is love, orange is orange and apple is apple.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (21 October 2012):
"Okay I understand. It was great meeting you anyway." I have not read the book "he's not that into you" and neither do I take it personally when a guy just wants sex. I just move onto the next one. How is looking at my inadequacies going to help anything?
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