A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok.. here's the thing..I've been seeing this guy for all of nine and half months now and only recently we both decided we would consumate our relationship. It was my first time and I'm glad it was with him. It was very special and so is he. He is very loving in ALL aspects of our relationship and I've never loved anyone like I love him.Now then. I'm 19 and he is 30, that's only 11 years, my parents have an age gap of 14 years, and I've never seen age as a problem.The real problem is that he's my teacher.And if that wasn't bad enough I found out two weeks ago that I'm pregnant.This has really ruined my plan.We were going to tell my parents that we were together after I finish school in the next few months and he has said that I soon as I do finish school he wants us to be 'officially' together. No more lies, no more secrets (you know, pretend we only just started seeing each other after I left).I've told him about the pregnancy, as you would, and he has been so amazing and so supportive it's unreal. I half expected him to desert me but he's even gone as far as saying to me 'I don't care if I lose my job, all I care about is you and our child.'We're obviously going to keep it secret from the school by any means so that he can keep his job and support the baby when he or she finally arrives. (Yes, we want to keep the baby, there's no need for an abortion in this case, we both want to keep him/her.)And we plan to tell my parents of the situation as soon as we feel the time is right. We're hoping to tell them in the next week or two. It'll be hard but as long as he's by my side I know everything will be ok.Even if my parents disown me, I know I've still got the love of my life with me.Please, can you tell me your opinions. I think it's good to get some unbiased opinions on this situation.Thank you for your time and answers.xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I think that is a very good plan you've got. It's always best to tell the truth, especially to family. I think you're parents will freak out when they find out the father of your child is your teacher but if they love you and want the best for you and you're baby they won't contact the school or do anything to harm your teacher's position. They know you will need the money he earns to support you and the baby, and if they get him sacked they know you will stick by him and that he won't be able to support you and the baby if he doesn't have a job, and they don't want that. I hope everything turns out alright for you and your family. And also congratulations for the baby. :) Good Luck x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): I don't know why people are saying this guy could go to jail. He can't.
However, he could lose his job, as you said. The responsibility, though--is on both of you now. You are having a baby. You need to have the resources to support it and each other.
Therefore--he needs to keep his job.
My suggestion is--he needs to start looking for another job in another town---NOW. As soon as he gets it, resign and move there.
You also need to explain to your parents if they decide to phone the school and all that---that they will be doing a great disservice to you and your baby. Children deserve the best possible life.
He needs to find another job in another place where you and him are not known. You finish school and then join him. Don't let this get out--or his career is finished and you're going to be young, struggling parents.
Teachers are only human. Things happen. Unfortunately, when they do happen, teachers lose their jobs. They cannot get involved with their students. Period. Former students--maybe. (Gray area). Again, society has created this ridiculous notion that people with age differences and what not cannot feel an attraction to each other. What if your soul mate is 12 years younger than you? Hmmm...I'm rambling.
Just be careful. I feel for your situation. You need to tell your parents. Probably together. Work out a plan to keep it quiet, and change jobs/schools.
You can have everything you want in this--you just have to be careful.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (16 November 2008):
 You are 19, in the eyes of British law, you're an adult. I don't know what the school authorities would do if they were to find out, but since you are both legally adults, it's not their business.
You've asked for opinions, and I don't judge... but I don't like the idea of students getting involved with their teachers (I'm a teacher, too). I'm glad that you didn't have an abortion, and that he is standing by you. The child is completely innocent and the most important thing is to do what is in the best interest of the child... that he is loved, wanted and provided for. You can't go back and undo the past, but you can do your best at the present moment... and that's all you can do.
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A
female
reader, Anonny +, writes (13 November 2008):
I don't think you need to worry about getting in trouble with the law! - The fact that you are/were over 18 when the relationship started shows that you are a responsible adult!The only downside is the fact that you were his student when the relationship started and that could affect his job!Personally I think as long as both people are adults and have consented to be together - what does it matter what your position in life is?! - People are too judgemental these days!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 How sure are you that your parents aren't going to call the school and inform them about your situation? Will your love change if he has to work at something other than teaching? And if he does manage to keep his job and continue teaching, are you going to be worried down the line that, as you age and he's still around nubile, young, impressionable school girls, he may do this again?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): oh.. and to the no more lies thing.... you later say "we are going to pretend"... that is a lie.
you need to come clean and do it now, and he needs to initiate this not you. its up to him. my teacher said this "no more lies" thing too, but never even told his father about our two and a half year relationship. he just kept meaning to. if he hasnt told by now, you must really question that. mine never told the school of course, but our friends and family knew. he owes you that much respect!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): right... i have the same experience as you, save the pregancy... i just had a scare!
if it has been my teacher 10 years ago, i believe he would have reacted the same way.
as you are in the uk, you are over 18, but i believe legally, you are still in his care and he as a teacher should be acting in loco parentis to you. i'm a teacher now so i can see it from both sides. i'm not in any position to judge anybody, but i would say that perhaps one day you will discover this is not an equal relationship. what concerns me is the backlash. you have to prepare yourself for him losing his job, and perhaps going to court. how will you support yourself then? also despite what he says, he KNOWS what he has done is wrong. he knows it, and he knows hes going to be in for some trouble. this is the area of your relationship where it will be hard. a baby is hard on any relationship.. but you guys really need to pull together 100%. hes going to be the one who is going to get in trouble, plus theres the baby, plus there are all the other issues too. i think your parents will come round to the baby itself eventually, but don't expect them to welcome him with open arms. theres just so much to say about this i don't know where to start. but as somebody who knows where you are coming from, hes going to be under huge pressure when it comes out, and you need to watch out for him. good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Yes, but if your parents find out, they will probably phone the police, so when your baby pops out, his dad will be in jail, have you actually thought about that?
What can we tell you, you've already decided what you're going to do, what's the point in asking for advice?
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A
male
reader, Everoth +, writes (12 November 2008):
 You are above the age of consent so technically, your parents can't really stop you. However you are still a student and he is your teacher and there are student/teacher laws that could lead to repercussions, I suggest you go and research those laws for the school you are attending
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Anon - she is over the age of consent, so unless there is a specific law about teacher/student relations then legality of this should not be an issue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Good Luck with it. I hope your parents don't disown you, that would be tragic. But if he is that supportive, then, maybe all will be well. I can't see how you can keep it a secret till you finish school though. I would love to know how your parents react and what your plans are!I hope you will follow-up on it so we know you're okay!I wish you all the luck in the world!
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