A
female
age
41-50,
*yliew
writes:My partner and i of 5years broke up 1month ago after i said mean things to him, but i didnt mean them. I had depression but im on tablets now and am better. The question is im inlove with him-always have been but my partner said i hurt him so much with the things i said and the way i acted whilst i had depression for 6months that hes not inlove with me anymore. We still live together but no kissing, cuddles, sex anything and we both miss it like crazy! He said he will wait and see if his love comes back, but he cant promise anything-i totally understand. We both miss everything about how we used to be, and talk about it alot, but he cant even cuddle me because it hurts him too much with memories and he says he just stands there and it doesnt mean anything and i can feel it when we have hugged, its gone for him. I want him back so much and he tells me all the time he wants what we had back all the time too, he wants to be inlove with me again, but nothing has come back at all yet. I never meant to hurt him, but i was sick with depression. Im inlove with him, and he only cares for me, he wants to be inlove but nothing has come back.What should i do? Is there anything i can do to make him fall inlove with me again? Hes my soulmate and i was his till i broke his heart with words i didnt mean. We want the love back. Any suggetions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html even though you are not married. read this stuff cause it certainly helped me with my lover.
A
female
reader, kyliew +, writes (7 July 2008):
kyliew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanku so much for all your help-its all so good and is helping so much. Answer few of your questions. Well the reason i got depression, i was child abused for 8years when i was a child, lost my job 7months ago due to a work injury, went insolvent, my nan had a stroke, parents split up, put on some weight and i think one day i finally cracked. Im usually a very happy person. Im a nurse so i care about everyone but i was forgetting about myself & my partner, the only 2 in my life i should be more concerned with.
My partner says i was down for the last 6months or so and was never happy much, and he couldnt make me happy but he did-hes the one that kept me alive. I was so negative & didnt show him my love much. He says i was nagging, upset, didnt want to do things with him. I had changed from the person he had met & was inlove with. On our 5year anniversary he finally had enough and told me to get out-that just killed me, a few hours later he called to say sorry but i was just so furious with him and said dont worry im better off without you. The second i said it i new i didnt mean it and he hanged up & turned his phone off. I searched for him all night but his phone was off. The next day i new i had to do something about what was going on with me-i would never say anything like i did-NEVER, he means everything to me. So i went to the Dr and he diagnosed me with severe depression, he said it started the day i 1st got hit as a child and because i didnt treat it then everything has just piled up and i eventually cracked.
I have talked to my partner about this heaps and understands somewhat but he cant understand why i didnt go to the Dr earlier if i new something was wrong-i dont no why i didnt either. I just thought it would go away & there was just so much stress in my life. My partner keeps telling me how much i hurt him and because i didnt get help earlier he may never fall inlove with me again, he doesnt no if the feelings for me will come back. It kills me. Im on the depression tablets and i am almost back to the person i used to be a little bit more to go, but im happy again, but so misserable because i dont have the love of my life to hold and kiss. I miss him/us so much. God how i wish i could turn back time and gone and got help earlier.
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A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Hi, I have to say, that if he still lives with you, there must be something deep inside of him, that still cares for you. You hurt him terribly emotionally, that could be very hard to fix. But what I would do, would be to sit down and contruct a very precise, and in depth letter, do this out of his sight, so you won't be distracted and he will not be aware of what you are doing. I would write a couple of drafts, and then put the best parts together. Pour out why you did what you did, why you are so very sorry for what you did, you will try more than hard, to never do it again, you will be aware and sensitive to his feelings, as you know he will be to yours, that you love him more than anything, that you will be doing your best in the future, to make him know that you care deeply, also that you have progressed out of the terrible depression that you feel caused you to do what you did,(although I am not sure you can blame it on depression), and you want him to trust you with his love again. I have to pose a question here, please be sure that there are no underlining issues that you have not resolved with him from the past, that may have caused you to say the things you did to him. Sometimes, we do not realize that we have issues, that we suppress and they come out in unexpected ways. So, I might be off base, but think about it and come to your own conclusion, as to whether you need to talk to him about something that happened in the past, before you said what you said, which really was the unresolved issue that prompted the outburst in the first place. Write him the letter, buy one rose, and leave the letter and the rose, on his pillow, or you decide where would be the best place to leave it for him. I would not hand it to him, you don't want to put him in a spot of what to do at that moment,and he needs to read the letter by himself, so leave him discover it and be on his own with it. Good luck to you, I hope this helps, he will need time, whatever you said, must have cut to the bone. But as I said before, he is still there, deep down, he wants to try to make it better. Hopefully time will heal the wounds. Take care always.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 I will give you the answer I would give you if I were your partner.
You hurt me with no reason. I can understand that you're depressed or something, but that doesn't give you the right to treat me like that. If I let you get away with it, that's how you will be treating me forever. If I see a change, and have a reasonable expectation that you won't treat me like that again, then I will give you a try, just because I love you. I won't make you walk the tightrope, but, if you do it again, it's over.
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