A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Totally weird question I know, but it drives me nuts...You know in that special way only a husband can do to his wife :-)(Just before I start: I love my husband and we dont have any major relationship problems, he is a sweetie most of the time)My hubby constantly irritates me by farting in my presence! (grrr)I say:"Stop that, how am I supposed to sit here and do my work when the living room smells like a sewage dump?"... And he just laughs. (Which is the same as when he is with his mates, they fart and laugh- god, how is a woman supposed to understand this??? But they dont say stop it, of course, they seem to try and return the favour)I try and explain to him how acute my sense of smell is, but he says I am exaggerating.But when I was outside in the garden one day, I walked into the house and started gathering the stuff to change the baby.Why are you doing that he asked?Because your son has a dirty nappy dear, I said.How can you tell without checking, he asked with surprise, looking at baby next to him on sofa?I smelled it the moment I walked in, I said, proceding to change the indeed dirty nappy.That is how good I can smell!He says I should see it as an honour that he is so comfortable in my presence that he is willing to "just be himself". Ha haI say that NO ONE should be that comfortable in anyone's presence!!!He also laughs when I say he alone is reponsible for global warming with his farts!(He did get out of bed last night before we fell asleep and went out of room to relieve wind pressure, but when he came back insisted that I thank him profusely for what he did - as if this mere courtesy was an act of bravery!!) LOLThe battle continues...Am I alone in this???? The fight against the hubby's methane emmission problem?Talk to me people! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Feed him less carbs!
I find farting totally gross, I've only had 1 boyfriend do it in front of me and that relationship didn't last very long.
Yed I know you should just be yourself and whatever around each other, but it really genuinely makes me gag to have to breathe the air that was up someone's ass!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): I don't know if your husband is looking over your shoulder and can read this? If he is -
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(Whispered)
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Buy a dog mate - you can then blame it and avoid the flak.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Live Acidophilus cultures added to his diet will greatly reduce his gas, along with the reduction of bean and beer intake. Some people also react strongly to certain vegetables..perhaps you should keep a dairy for a couple of weeks of what he eats and how bad the gas is.
Acidophilus produces a balance in the intenstine of good bacteria so there is not so much gas produced.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Ah Tisha! You've just reminded me of my second wife's response - as in your counter-attack method - a bottle of Estee lauder 'Youth Dew' judiciously applied to my nether regions under the bedsheets. Whenever I got a whiff of that stuff on a woman it reminded me of s**t. What memories!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 I like Uncle Phil's approach here. I've got another one. Think of this as a two-pronged military campaign. One is the obvious counterattack, the other, a stealth mission to stop the wind before it blows...
The counterattack is simply an olfactory one-upmanship; you buy a bottle of the cheapest, floweriest, girliest, most un-manlike scent you can find. I think there are loads of body sprays on the market that fall into this category. Keep it with you, loaded in a small sprayer that is easy to carry. Then, when he lets one go, spritz the air around him like crazy with the floral counteroffensive, and try to make sure that you get some of this girly girl scent on his clothes. Do this EVERY time he lets one loose, and he'll soon decide that the consequence is worse than the satisfaction he derives from winding you up.
Winding you up with his wind. Isn't the English language confusing? The first wind (winding) has a long 'i' sound like 'eye'; the second (wind) has as a short 'i' sound as in 'in.'
I digress.
The second prong in this counteroffensive is the stealth mission. If you eliminate the gas/wind before it starts, you'll need less of the first part. If you do all the cooking, you can eliminate any foods from his diet that might cause the offensive 'wind', things like beans, certain veggies...
There is a company here in the US that sells a product that assists in reducing the 'gas emissions' from the digestive tract, known here as 'Beano.' I don't know if it is available in South Africa, but it's worth investigating, as there are drops which can be put on food before consumption that reduce these noxious fumes later...
http://www.beanogas.com/
Unfortunately, you'll have to do some research to see if they sell this product in SA, as it's not clear from the US website.
My mother swears by it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 LOL nice answer doctor Phil. Well anonymous, my hubby does it too and it gets REALLY annoying. Some times I feel he just does it for the pleasure of seeing my face in disgust. But I do have to laugh it out (most times). I just tell him to please go to the bathroom and I also joke with him saying how do he thinks I could get into having sex after such a traumatic experience. This has helped, at least he doesn't do it in the bedroom anymore. In the car I open the door and stick my head out... and I don't have to smell it and he just laughs!
I would suggest you do give him some positive feedback when he behaves. Just as you would do to a puppy. This will make him feel good even though he had to get up from bed and go outside just to release his gas (it can be quite annoying doing that every single time in your own home). Hope this helps!
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Ah! This is indeed a 'man thing'. You see, when a man does this in your presence he's letting you know how much he loves you by his sharing absolutely everything.
Why do farts smell? I'll tell you - it's for the benefit of the deaf. I assume you're not deaf, but instead of ignoring you when you say to him "STOP THAT!" he should at least inquire as to which direction you think it went.
However, one of the most satisfying farts is when you're sourrounded by other people, you let one off, and someone else gets the blame while you sit some way off smirking to yourself.
May I suggest you go and buy some Batchelors Beanfeast - Beef and Onion style from Tesco, prepare a bowlful for yourself and wait half an hour. I pretty much guarantee you'll have him choking on the fumes. Don't give him any of it though, as it seems his system is working quite adequately already.
No, you're not alone. Far from it. You have to try to look at it as an amusement rather than an annoyance though. For example, when he drops his guts and you get a whiff, say to him "That was a good one darling - please do another one - but next time could you please make it a bit louder? I couldn't quite hear the last one." That should take the fun out of it for him.
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