A
female
age
41-50,
*ittanychick21
writes:My fiance and I have been together for a little over a year. We have been throught a lot in our short relationship. He has a child from a previous relationship and that caused a great deal of stress in the beginning of our relationship, he was trying to get custody. That use to be the ONLY thing that we argued about. But then we started having problems with sex. He didn't appear interested, so I approached him about this he said it wan't a problem and that I was just looking into things to much, so I back off. But over the next few months we started having sex less and less with me always tying and him never wanting to. Finally I found out why, he was masterbating instead of having sex with me. He would wait until I would go to be or left the room and he would look at porn. He was obsessed doing this a few times a day. When I comfornted him he said it wasn't that he didn't want me but that it was just "too much work to have sex with me" and that he was just lazy. So I completely backed off, almost left. He realized how serious this problem was so he stared to come around and try to fix the problem. Now the roles are completely reversed. I don't want to have sex with him, I'm not attracted to him at all. Partially from the him not wanting to be with me but partially because he has some not so pleasent habits that I have told him bother me and he's not really trying to fix them. What do I do? We are supost to get married in a few months and I jsut dont know how I can marry someone I'm not attracted to or that has never given me an orgasam in our relationship. Plus now that I'm with holding sex he gets mad at me about EVERYTHING. Advice please!!
View related questions:
fiance, no longer attracted, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Nittanychick21 +, writes (13 November 2009):
Nittanychick21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to clear something up from my originial post. My fiancee did realize that the "solo-sex" wasn't going to be tolarated anymore and has stopped this but has taken on some other not so great hygeine habits that again are turning me away. Is there any fixing this?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Every couple comes into a relationship with a set of values. Sometimes those values don't match and that is where relationships get into a heap of trouble. He is doing something that you find offensive and damaging to the relationship. And for him to be doing this 'solo sex' thing with pornography, is something he maybe doesn't view as such a bad thing. So...it's plain to see here that if he's looking at porn as a substitute for sexual gratiifcation, his actions here has caused you to greatly disrespect him, and with that... the sexual attraction you had for him, has eased off considerably. This happens to a lot of females, when in love relationships. And I have to say, there aren't many relationships out there, where the sole use of pornography on the part of the male, for his own jollies and thrills, will sit well with his partner. It can and will make the female feel devalued to a great degree and she loses respect for her partner..and she withdraws. Relationships are always a' big work in progress' and when one get's lazy and does things, that goes against the other's personal relationship values...he/she risks losing their partner.
I am not sure if this relationship is salvageable unless he and you, can communicate openly about what his 'habits' are costing both of you, in this relationship. If you both cannot talk and come to an agreeable compromise or conclusion...this will always be a problem. But if this issue is something you cannot get past and he will make no move to help repair the detrimental effect of his actions here, then you both are 'dead in the water...you've hit a wall, here. If that is the case, the stop the wedding plans and think about ending this relationship. You cannot possibly think of marrying a man you disrespect. Respect for him is absolutely foundational and crucial in a relationship...and if you have lost that for him, it may be tough to get it back.
You have some tough decisions to make. May heart is with you. Take care.xx
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 November 2009):
Quiet echo it right. This guy doesn't sound like he's the one for you. Maybe it's time to move on.
...............................
|
