A
female
age
36-40,
*avannahDawn
writes:Hello, I will make this brief. I am a 23 year old female, who just got out of a relationship with a 22 year old male. We'll call him K. He and I had a lot happen between us that was mainly my doing, I was not ready for a relationship since I had just gotten out of a very bad one when we got together, but I fell for him. I love him very dearly still. He has made it clear he is open to dating other women too and that one of those relationships could become potentially serious in which case he and I will have to end communication. He still wants to be my friend though. Unfortunately I have not come to this place. I still only want him, and it is harder for me to accept he does not only want me. The issue here though is that he says he still loves me and wants me and at times feels in love with me (sometimes), but that I need to let go of my hopes for us. However he keeps getting mushy and close with me, knowing full well I am crazy about him and I love it. I give into every time because I am practically dying for his love and affection but I am let down every time because he reminds me in many ways how we are not one anymore and I am definitely not the one for him. Sometimes I try to leave so I can move on and get over him so I can learn to be happy again but he will talk to me and I give in. I feel guilty for going because he does want to be near me but this is so very upsetting and tonight I feel like I am especially emotionally fragile. he snapped at me before bed and pretty much implied he is not interested in a word I had to say. I felt so bad all I could do was cry.. I know a big chunk of this is my fault for staying around. I have told him more than once I need time to heal but he seems to ignore it and brings me back to him and tells me things like "you know you want to be in my arms" and he's right I do.. so much.. but what happens when he finds someone else? he will just drop me like a hot potato and I don't want to be around to take that fall because I know for a fact it will be the worst one of all and not good for me. Someone slap me around and wake me up.. I can't take being in love with himanymore when he can clearly move on from me with no issue.
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female
reader, SavannahDawn +, writes (30 December 2011):
SavannahDawn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ladies, and gentleman. I would never consider him a bad person, he is brilliant in his own way but after reading you all's replies I do realize this is all my fault. I keep on letting him in so he can be this way and I know I am weak to him. I want him to be happy and I don't think he truly will be till I am gone and I won't be happy till I get over him and what we had. I will always care for him but there might be someone out there who really loves me and values me and I could love them back and be happy... and that's all I want is to be peaceful and happy in my heart. I wish this man all the very best he can have. I am just going to enjoy being by myself. I think being single has more benefits for me right now. I did appreciate the slaps:) Really, sometimes I need them.
I hope I can keep leaving him be.. and just focusing on other things. I know I am the one suffering right now, not him so I have to remind myself that suffering is easy for me, as long as I am not causing another pain. He's fine without me, he hasn't contacted me so far and seems to be doing well so I am going to take it as a good sign, he's content and I should be too :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2011):
 “I know a big chunk of this is my fault” no sweetie ALL OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. Own your behavior
You are plunging the knife in your heart yourself over and over… it’s a slow painful death you are working on….
You are going to hurt when it’s over.
Why not be the one in control and start the hurt NOW by leaving this PERSON. He only cares for himself. Think of the power you have when you call him right now and say… “I’ve grown up and I realize that you are not good for me and I’m taking care of ME for my new years resolution” and then go NO CONTACT.
Block his phone numbers
Take him off face book
Block his emails.
Because if you don’t block him he will TRY to get back with you. He may show up at your door… DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR. Honey he is your kryptonite…
It sucks and it will hurt… it will HURT worse and worse and worse every day for a while… but it will hurt less in the long run if you are the one to end it. I promise.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 Exactly. He will drop you like a hot potato when he'll find someone else , and you don't want to be there when it happens. So- don't be there. Simple. Cut your losses, go NC, and don't pretend- even to yourself- that you'd like to stay "friends " because it's not his friendship that you want. If you were friends, you would not be having sex together to begin with.
Easier said than done ? Sure. But it may become easier when you start taking responsibility, i.e, accept that you have ALL the fault, not just a chunk, for being in this situation. You seem to say " But some times he says he loves me and wants me... so it's his fault too for tempting me... if he would not say these things... " And why shouldn't he ? It WORKS for him ! He can DO anything he wants and treat you like crap, but as soon as he feeds you some feelingy bullshit, you drop your knickers in no time, no questions asked, no strings attached. Very convenient -it does not get more low maintenance than that. Sure if he 'd keep you repeating you the truth , instead : " I don't give a f... about you , I don't care, and I don't even find you particularly attractive, otherwise obviously I would not be so in hot pursuit of other women and raring to meet a good one " chances are that by now your ardour for him would have cooled totally, and he would have lost his convenient, docile playmate.
He is not going to do something against his own interest, in favour of your interest which he could not care less about .If he had cared a little, he would not have put you in this situation to begin with, knowing your feelings and all.
Ok, was this enough of a slap ? If not, place yourself in front of a mirror, and slap yourself hard till you come to your senses. 23 is not too early to start taking your love life into your own hands and steering it the direction YOU want it to go.
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