A
female
age
36-40,
*eronika_jade
writes:Hi,I'm with my fiance for the last 3 yrs and everything was going okay...but never great. We never argue, we like the same things and i know he loves me very much. But i dont know if i love him as much as he does. I love him, but I'm not IN love with him. We talk about our future... kids, mariage, house. But he knows theres something wrong these days. I cuddle him less and our sex life is almost non existant. I'm not attracted to him anymore and I'm scared of being alone. He helped me so much in those 3 yrs and he took great care of me but i feel like he deserve more than me. He always say I'm his soulmate, but I never say it back. I dont want to become pregnant and be stuck living a loveless life as a lie. Because in the long run i know hes going to be devastated by my leaving. I dont know what to do anymore, it not like we dont fit or anything (never argu and have things in common a lot) but i dont feel sad when he leave and i dont feel excited when he comes back, i just feel a void. I'm scared of losing him but at the same time I hope for it. I think i'm waiting for him to leave me... i know its not fair for him but i think that if i leave him i'll break his heart and his mind. He's my bestfriend but i dont feel the love anymore. What to do in that case?
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best friend, fiance, sex life, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010): Hi! I read your post and I can't tell you how much your post sounded just like me about 6 months ago. I dated a wonderful guy for 3 years we were engaged for a few months and just like you said... he was my best friend as well. I loved him and still do...but I was not IN love with him.
Girl there is a huge difference even though it doesn't FEEL it should be. About 6 months ago I broke it off with him. What finally got me to break it off was I met a guy whom I was insanely physically attracted too...I figured I'm only 24 and I need to figure out what my feelings are telling me. So I broke up with him, went out on a few dates with this man, and eventually got physical, and boy did I realize what I was missing in my previous relationship.
My point of all this is that you deserve to feel that amazing feeling of sexual attraction and excitement with your partner and if you don't leave him! You will end up cheating on him if you meet someone that you're attracted too.
A
male
reader, Sal84  +, writes (23 January 2010):
 Glad I could be of assistance. Just 2 SMALL Fights in 3 Years is really boring:-)Its time to wake up and smell the coffee....look around and see how people are fighting like cats & dogs, cheating husbands & wives, flaring tempers and the works-read some of the questions asked on this website and you'll know what I mean.Its up to you to spice up your life.Give it that little spark and see how the flames burn red hot:-)Will hope & pray for both of you.Take Care & have a great life TOGeTHER:-)
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A
female
reader, Veronika_jade +, writes (23 January 2010):
Veronika_jade is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your answers. I'll try talking with him and do some changes. I think you were right Sal84, its too much of a boring routine right now and maybe we could spice it up a bit and it could probably help a lot. He's the best guy ever, I really want to give us a chance. We never argue, seriously in the 3 yrs we had 2 fights and they were small, so yes I hope there's a way to salvage our relationship. Thanks again for all your good answers, they helped me a lot :)
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A
male
reader, Sal84 +, writes (22 January 2010):
Hey Wake Up, this guy is the guy who keeps showing his affection, Loves you a lot, I assume buys you gifts & flowers, does as per your whim and fancies.....!Then why would you want to leave him....?
THE ANSWER is you liked all this when it was new, but over a period of time when it got monotenous, you are repelled as it gets BORING. Everything is predictable and you practically know what next he will say or do and thats what fizzes you out.Its like watching the same movie a hundred and 50 times in 30 days.
SOLUTION: You could either dump this wuss and find another guy who would do the same things again which might initially attract you but bore you to death when its done over a long period and what a waste of time that is.....OR...you could cook a nice dinner or get it home delivered from a nice restaurant or pizza palace in case you can't cook and after a nice meal you could tell your guy that his words and actions are too predictable and monotoneous and you need him to be more Unpredictable cause you like adventure:-)Even in your sex life, you may be facing the same problems which surely can be rectified with trying some new dare devil positions.If he gets your point and is willing to work on it....GIVE HIM A CHANCE....if he has a thick skull and doesnt get the hint then its back to square one.Remember this always, its easy to make relationships but really difficult to keep them..but as human beings we should try at least..let me know if it works:-)
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (22 January 2010):
 If you don't love him, end it.
You are 22-25 years old. You are not 50.
You are not even in your prime of attractivness yet.
You can attract any man and quite possibly keep him.
I say end it now, unless the only thing is your sex life that is bothering you.
Why are you not attracted to him?
If it is the sex life then tell him how you feel.
If it is him getting really fat or something, I would say that you should take as him continuing.
You don't want a sexless marriage at TWENTY FIVE.
You don't want an unattractive mate at TWENTY FIVE.
You don't want an unhealthy mate at twenty five.
The thing that separates a relationship from friendship is physical attraction and physical connection. Sorry, but its true.
If you have neither, discuss it, give him a couple months, if he doesn't change his ways.
leave
I'd tell that to any guy in your situation as well.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 January 2010):
What you have to ask yourself is this:
Am I really the best he can do?
Yes it will hurt him when you leave, but at the moment his real soulmate could be out there and he's not going to find her while he's wasting time on you.
This is going to be horrible to do but it's part of adult life that sometimes you have to stand up and do horrible things.
As for your fear of being alone... I think you know that's just stupid. You can be perfectly happy while single and you'll meet someone when you are ready to start again.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 January 2010):
If you don't love him, you need to end it and cut all contact. There is never an easy way to do it, but you have to. However, before you do, think about what has changed? Maybe this is something that can be fixed with counselling?
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