A
female
age
36-40,
*nswerme
writes:I am carrying this kind of problem everyday. I am confused and i don't know what is best and right to do.I currently having a relationship with a guy who is older than me and separated from him wife. I am 23 years old and he is 50 years of age. I met this guy when i was still working in the nursing home. He likes me at first sight and i found him nice and interesting at first too. Every week he visited his uncle, who was confined in the nursing home due to critical illness. And I am assigned to take good care with his uncle. Months after, his uncle passed away. and After burial of his uncle ,He went back to the nursing home to get his uncle's things and he looks after me to gave his gratitude for taking care with his uncle. And that day, he asked my cellphone number and since i found him so nice and looks professional, i did not hesitate not to give my number. and he asked me if he can court me. I said yes, by the reason of I'm single. It took months before he text me after getting my number. days, weeks, and months after, i got a message from unregistered number and unexpectedly, it is him!.. and his starting courting me. and i said yes to him a days after....... And presently,our relationship goes deeply beyond in our expectations. we're now in 4 months. and we're building good and happy memories. My concern now is, our AGE DIFFERENCES, his too much older than me and my family might cannot accept him. Some people will give negative reactions to me either to him. My family is not open-minded to this kind of relationship. and Presently, my family didn't know that i have a boyfriend..what best things to do now??
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female
reader, murph79  +, writes (10 February 2010):
Hi,
I am 30 and my boyf is 54, we have been together 3yrs and get on great!!! Obviously we have our differences but don't all couples?
Some people looked at the age gap and thought it was wrong but my true friends don't mind at all, we go out as a couple with mine and his friends.
So it can work if you're ment to be together. x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): Somehow,I'm angry at older guys,who are taking advantage of young woman,with low self esteem. I'm so sorry ,if it sounds like a negative comment, but I think,healthy man does not let young woman fall for him. I mean, you have two different interest, and you are his trophy. Of course it feels good for you,if man didn't spoil you so far. Im just trying to help you to see clearly.And ,yes it is my opinion, based on watching my friend going thru on this . What happened to his relationships so far? What is the little problem he has in bed? Dont forget ,young woman turns on older guys, but on the wrong way. I feel, every older guy, who does not tell to young woman, that lets be friends instead are dishonest. Some people says love is blind. But is it? There is a lots of situation when love comes in the wrong package. Like falling for your sister, daughter,mother... If you do that,you are sick, but if the man is 30 years older, than it is close to that. I have nothing against gay people, as it is not a choice, but have sex with your sister, or 30 years younger woman is a choice.Please be careful.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (9 February 2010):
I understand what female anon is trying to say and I appreciate her comments, but its not quite that way for everyone. My man is over 60 and our sex life is the best I have ever had. Its less frequent than my previous relationship at about twice a week but every encounter is mostly about me and that's what he likes. My ex who is still a competitivel athlete, was a 5/6 times a week type of person and I can count the number of times that I had any real pleasure on two fingers (mine). Sex is not just about frequency, its about sensuality and only older guys seem to get this. To be completely honest, I'm scratching my head trying to come up with negative reasons for dating an older guy. For me I guess its the fact that I will outlive him and also the ugly looks we get from strangers.
To the original poster, I would definitely encourage you to still continue with your schooling even if you go overseas. If you have a long distance relationship while you are away, maybe the separation will be what makes it clear to you if you still want to be with him. I know its tougher for you to make a decision because this would be a first relationship for you. For me its easier because I was married to a young guy and my older guy is a second relationship. All the best.
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A
female
reader, answerme +, writes (9 February 2010):
answerme is verified as being by the original poster of the question In terms of his sexual function, i could say that there has a little problem because of his age.But he is still good:) To tell you, he is the first one who lost my virginity. I gave it without hesitation. I had a x-bf before him. Who is very younger than him. We've been in 9 mos but i didn't gave my maidenhood. Although my x tries to asked me but i still hold on to my belief that copulation should done both couple when they get married(an old belief.)Because i want to preserve mine until i met my better half.Then here come this old man, he's different. He attracts me. Since my x bf that time having fun with other girls,even we still committed then i decided to make own fun too. And Here he is the newest. He shows me what the real care and love is. I realized that i love him a lot. Then i turned down my past Bf. And face the newest one. And now, we were seeing each other everyday. I went to his place to see him and visited him. He's living alone and do some little business.Last night he texted me, he's worrying and sad that sooner or later i will leave him for an overseas work (In which my plans ever since) and can find other guys. And he says, "DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT". For me has a generalized meaning. He knews and open for the possible occurrence. 10 years from now, i don't know what happen.I CANT TRUST MY SELF.I love him so much but like what others says, I'm still young and i can find a new one. But I feels worried, i don't wanna make him sad. I know how much he loves me a lot. He told me yesterday that he loves me very much and he don't know why he feels that way. Even me. As this moment, I still confuse. I was looking forward for my future. and he supported me. While studying for the coming exam, his worrying words always came up into my mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): What about sexual function? In this age libido declines,and erection problems arrives. I dont say for,everybody maybe he is very lucky,but not at 55-60-65..If you are the live in the now kind of person,it is k. But not if you care about future. It is rare,when a 50 year old man ,not going to change when he 60. It is a tricky age.. A lot happens in 10 years. I always feel sorry for young woman,and never believe they have healthy self image. It is always for the man...And don't forget,you are his midlife crises!
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A
female
reader, suzee +, writes (8 February 2010):
i was seeing a man for 2yrs on an off, he was 25yrs older than me. at the beginning he was great but now hes totally different he became possesive and didnt like me speaking to mates of the opposite sex my age or any other. i decided to end it because i do want kids also i thought about when im 40 he will be 65! and to be honest i felt as if i was his bid to be young again. Its really difficult when you fall for someone and you love them, but you have got to think about yourself. Are you still going to be happy in years to come? if you love somebody then age shouldnt matter but if you want different things then it will probably become a problem. good luck x
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (8 February 2010):
I also come from a culture where pleasing your parents is everything. Yet I have disappointed mine many times and was the last to get a degree when everyone else had already done their masters. I got divorced which is a big NO in my family. So when I started dating this older guy I felt that they are already disappointed with me so what's one more? Let me live my life. And now after years of stress and trying to please everybody I am finally happy doing things for me. Yes people stare at us and whisper but I do not live my life for the happiness of others. My partner has treated me better than any young guy ever has and now that I'm studying again, he is really tough on me and pushing me to succeed and I will be starting my Phd soon. Lots of people say to him that I am with him for his money and he laughs and says to them he is with me for my youth so it's fair!!!! The point is, others cannot possibly know what brought you together. Its your life and your business. As for bodies being unattractive, that's just a ridiculous assumption; my man is lean and was an Olympian; I have seen young men who are not in half the shape he is. You will find that most of your problems are not between you two but from other people who want you to be as an unhappy as they are.
As for his adult kids, in time when they see their father happy, they will accept you.. It won't happen overnight so just keep your distance and wait out their incredulity. All the best.
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A
female
reader, answerme +, writes (8 February 2010):
answerme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy one friend says who is married already that if i love that person, i should be ready to all consequences.And i shouldn't listen to others. But It is very difficult to do that. I am the youngest in the family. And my family expected a lot from me.I could say that i'm a failure in my families and even in my realtives. My mom and dad are professional and descent. I've been in one situation too which i failed them. I took my exams and failed many times in taking my license as a nurse which i felt now that i am a burden to my parents.Then, time they well know that i am having relationship with this guy, they will get hurt.Since they are mad at me that i didn't pass my exam and here comes this guy too which i commited my self to him, what do you think they well do to me? Anticipating,they will get mad..I love this man a lot. Very much. I didnt love him beacuse of his money but beacuse of his sincerity,love and genuine personality. I learned a lot from him. His body is lean,he looks 45, yet his 50's..One thing also that makes me worries is,his sons and daughter who are also had little same with my age. I met first his youngest son.makes me Feels akward beacuse his son is 20 years old. I can't say that he doesn't have any comment about me. I know he has. (maybe he thought that i am a college pay girl or a gold digger one.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): hello dear, i read your question and answers tooo. he is 25 yrs older than you.It does'nt matter as you love him. in love age does'nt matter as when love happens between a couple neither gal see anything nor a boy. if they tell "if" "but" "as" "perhaps" "wat will happen in furure" "people we tease us" then i dont thik it is love. if you love him then fen dont think other aspects. as it is easy to find a life partner, husbands. but very hard to find a person who love you and to whome you love. LOVE IS LOVE age not matter.............................
no one cannot say wat will happen in future.........
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): I think you will be disgusted from his old body in 10 years. I think,it is not good for future,but many woman does it for the money. I don't believe, you can love an old body,when you are young. Once I knew a man ,who was 20 years older,and when he took off his clothes,and touched my naked body ,I realized ,it s not for me. Nature rules! Take care
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female
reader, marzi  +, writes (5 February 2010):
I love a 53 year old man who is so perfect for me compare to all boys I ever knew.I'm 23 and yes the age gap is a problem you can't say age does not matter at all.if you want to live with him and marry you might be an isolated couple it might make you depress.when you go out the way people will look at you.when you tell your friends they might pretend but it's odd and weird for them to accept and understand...
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female
reader, answerme +, writes (3 February 2010):
answerme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys for your advices and opinions.. i highly appraciated your voice regarding to my current situation.
It helps me to realize and see what is good for me and knowing the advantages and disadvantages of this relationship. As of now, i decided to be with him and continue having relationship inspite of our age disparity but i choose not to stay with him and keeping myself with him forever. I want to say this to him that i dont want to be with him forever but i am afraid that he might got hurt.He wants me. And he supported me of all i want. What is best approach to tell him??
since my family or relatives didn't know about this, i decided to keep it as much as posible and lied to them. I dont know if this decision i made is right.
my other friends already met him but i didn't heard any voices or comments from them.. they usually says, that he's okay to be with. maybe they dont want me to get hurt so thats why they said like that. :(
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A
female
reader, Sarah2485 +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Hey well i had the same age gap as you...
i am 24 my partner was 51.. i was with him nearly 4 years, yes i loved being with him and like you i didnt tell my family about the relationship all those years!
well i finished it a couple of weeks back for me i had to think of my future.. children, marriage, my studies and the stress of all the lies it all pointed to one thing so i ended it.. its been difficult the last few weeks i think we are going to try and stay friends..
but seriously if i were you think now about what you are getting yourself into can you see yourself with this guy in 10 years? do you want kids can you see yourself having kids with him, do you have the courage to tell everyone? if not i advise you end it now before it gets as far as my relationship and the breakup will be harder..
good luck x
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A
male
reader, GD  +, writes (2 February 2010):
Look, I have dated women who were younger, but in my opinion this age difference is extreme... You are only 23 and he is 50. That is a 27 year difference! 27 is 1/3 of a person's life! He will be gone and you will be alone for many,many years! We say that age is just a number and to a certain extent that may be true...but I feel you are just taking on too much here. Again, I have dated young who were younger but I would draw the line at about 12-15 years younger. In any case, stay together for a while see how things go...Best of Luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): From the viewpoint of someone who does not approve of these kinds of relationships: he's about 25 years older than you. What happens when you are 40 and he is 65? When you are 50 and he is likely to be dead or have serious illnesses and you have to be the one nursing him? Are you up and ready for that? What when you want children, he will be an older man by then. Perhaps he does not even want children at that age. There are many more questions for you in this type of relationship, than if you dated someone younger. Life might not be any different, but the likelihood that it will be different is there. If you take the relationship seriously, you also need to have the answer to these questions.
However, if you do choose to be with him, make sure that this feels like the right choice for you (remember, you are the one dating him, not your family or anyone else, so its only your opinion that matters). And then be brave and strong, and stand by your decision. It will have consequences, like your family not accepting him, your friends not accepting him. Maybe his friends wont accept you (all this will be revealed soon enough I would think). So be prepared for that.
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female
reader, girl from bristol +, writes (31 January 2010):
hi i think you should stay with him age difference is not a reason to not be with somewhone i would not tell your family untill he asks you to move in with him untill it get serious i mean you dont know if your family will reject him or not untill you tell them but you are old enough to pick your own partner i find older guys treat you better and you can be happier with them i am with a guy who is older than me but we have been together for four years and plan to get married move in together and have a family so it can happen good luck
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (31 January 2010):
As long as he is not cheating on his wife then I don't see a problem with seeing him. Personally when I have dated older men I have been treated better, they are more faithful, more stable. Better than the roller coaster of a young guy who is still trying to figure out who he is by cheating on you. As for your family, they will always criticize whoever you see. And age alone is not a good enough reason for someone to be unsuitable. Take things slow and dont tell your family unless he decides to marry you or something. Its common for older men to be attracted to nurturing caring women. You already have experience with dealing with oldies so perhaps just enjoy the relationship.
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female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (31 January 2010):
 You really need to search inside yourself and ask if you can stay committed to this man because of the age difference. Try to see what possible problems might come up because of it and threaten your happiness. As you work in a nursing home and interact with many older and possibly disabled people, you can see what the future holds. Are you ready to be the provider for him as well? What about other aspects such as having children? One thing I notice about having a much older partners is they sometimes can be downer when it comes to experiencing some of the fun things in life. I speak from experience. My ex didn't want to do many things I did because of the "been there done that" mentality. If I wanted to do things, I was free to, but with someone else or by myself. Needless to say, he became an ex. Not for that reason alone but it was a big factor in us growing apart. Another problem is the physical limitations experienced by age. It gets frustrating talking to someone and having to yell because they don't hear well and won't wear a hearing aid. Also, with some older men, their sexual activity might be lower thus creating feelings of insecurity in their partners. On the plus side, they have outgrown all the head games, know what they want and usually, they are gentlemen, attentive to their partners needs and wants. And, he will most likely spoil you rotten:) It sounds as if he is loyal and caring as evidenced by his behavior towards his uncle. Give it some serious thought so neither of you gets hurt if at all possible.
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