A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 37 yr old brother has yet to cut the cord with our mom. Now he tells me he wants to do just that and finally move out. But his plan is to move into his wealthy girlfriends furnished house in florida. How can I make him see he's replacing one mom with another? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): I know what you mean.I have a 34 years old bother who keeps going back to my mom house when he can't cope with things in his own life.He is and alcoholic and so is his gf.And when they fight or spend all their money my brother runs to my mom.My dad passed away in April/07 and since my brother has gotten worst.I moved out when i was 17 and never went back.Because i was not allowed back home.My mom stood strong on that. and said she did it for my own good.She said no daughter of hers was ever going to depend on anyone!She did it to make me strong.I am strong and i sent her this.....Maybe your mom need to receive this. or maybe even your bother should look this over.
The Awakening
A time comes in your life when you finally get it ...
when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity,
you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ...
ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.
Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum,
you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is Your Awakening.
You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change,
or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings,
and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must Begin With You ...
and in the process a sense of Serenity is born of Acceptance.
You Awaken ...
to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always
love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK.
They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself ...
and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you -
or didn't do for you
and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say
and that not everyone will always be there for you
and that everything isn't always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself ...
and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are
and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties ...
and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing
and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown,
or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing
and you stop maneuvering through life
merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity
are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era,
but the mortar that holds together the foundation
upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything,
it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry
and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are
and not as you would have them be.
You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility
and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside,
smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple.
You begin to care for it and treat it with respect.
You begin to eat a balanced diet,
drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty
and so you take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body,
laughter fuels our soul.
So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life
what you believe you deserve,
and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for
and that wishing for something to happen
is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success
you need direction, discipline and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone,
and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself.
You learn to step right into and through your fears
because you know that whatever happens you can handle it
and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life
and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair,
you don't always get what you think you deserve
and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people ...
and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody's punishing you
and everything isn't always somebody's fault.
It's just life happening.
You learn to admit when you are wrong
and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy
and resentment must be understood and redirected
or they will suffocate the life out of you
and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful
and to take comfort in many of the simple things
we take for granted,
things that millions of people upon the earth
can only dream about ...
a full refrigerator, clean running water,
a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself
and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself
and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling,
to keep trusting,
and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window
so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart,
you take a stand, you take a deep breath,
and You Begin To Design The Life You Want To Live
As Best You Can.
Written by ... Sonny Carroll
Finalized version can be seen at: www.waketolife.com
This is stepping into self empowerment and finding inner peace.
It is an awakening to the fact that your happiness depends solely on you and always has.
Awaken to the beauty you truly hold.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Good answer Frank. Let him do his thing.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Hi,
Whats wrong with hiim moving into his girlfreinds house. So what if it goes wrong he will learn from this, and maybe it wont. He might be the luckiest guy in town.
By the way, Guys never cut the apron strings with their mum's, just like girls always stay Dady's girls.
Let him get on with it and make his own mistakes,if any?.
XX
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 I'm with Frank.
Also, I'm afraid that there is a chance your brother has cut the cord long ago, but simply finds it more to his advantage to live comfortably. Keeping a home by yourself is harder than simply living at somebody else's.
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Why do you feel it necessary to make him see anything? If you want him to grow up, you are going to have to let him make, and learn from, his own mistakes. I know you care about him, but you "fathering" him is just as bad as your mother still "mothering" him.
Sometimes the cold slap of reality is the only thing that will make somebody grow up.
-Frank B Kermit
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