A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for about five months now and I guess things are going good. It's tough because there is an age gap and he is ALOT more experienced then I am. Anyways I'm still a virgin and as of right now I'm not ready for sex. I'm still iffy about oral so we havn't done that either. He is extremely sweet about it and never pressures me into anything, but recently we were hangin out and we were kissing and touching, etc. and he said that we can't do it anymore becuase he gets too tempted and he doesn't want to go to far or do anything that I'm uncomfortable with. It's sweet, but at the same time frustrating becuase I like doing all that stuff, but I guess it's hard to just stay at that spot without moving on... i guess. Can someone please give me some advice as what to do becuase I'm torn between two spots. ANYTHING would be apprecieated. Thanks.
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acne, kissing, ready for sex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): Hi, I have a similar situation with my boyfriend right now. I want to wait until I'm married. I think oral is sex as well. but we started touching ect, things would progressively go farther, and i went along with it b/c i love him and id convince my self it was okay. in the end my definition of virginity included having been naked with him and having his penis touch me. i realized that i was never ready for this and i told him that we have to stop that, so in effect I wanted a fresh start.
The point is the guilt does not feel good, and once you start something it escalates and I think thats where your boyfriend is coming from - so I think he is being sincere.
So be careful when you touch - i thought i had the control being raised in a christian family and kind of setting myself apart from my friends as the "virgin". i felt that i had lost apart of myself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much... you have been great help. I guess I just needed anothers opinion and a little bit of reasurence..you know. Thanks again!!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 July 2007):
 I asked about his age because I wanted to have a clue whether he was this understanding because he is INDEED understanding, or whether he was simply manipulating you. If he were, say, a 40-year old, then I would suspect his being so "understaing" was fake. Since you're boyfriend is young, too, I think he really is an understanding person and does not want to put pressure on you.
Now, boyfriends do kiss and touch girlfriends. I can't imagine this NOT happening. Your problem is, if I understand well, that you DO want the kissing and touching, but don't want to go into sex; and, that he does want the kissing and touching, but, also, he wants more.
I detect a little pressure from him. Where I live, kissing and touching used to be all you would get from a girl until you married, and we all managed. We knew the girl wouldn't go any further and, no matter how much we wanted to get more physical, we had to accept that.
So, I think you should talk to your boyfriend. If he is that understanding about not putting pressure on you, he'll also understand that you want the kisses and that BUT NOT the sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is about 7 and 1/2 yrs older than me.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 July 2007):
I have a question: how many years your senior is he?
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A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (20 July 2007):
Hi There,
No one can tell you what to do about this, so this is an impossible question to answer. Anyway, here are a few things that I thought about it.
It’s about whether you really want to do it or whether you feel you “should” do it. If you have any moral issues with this, then don’t force yourself to do what you feel is wrong. The guilt wouldn’t be worth it.
It sounds like you have a genuine guy there. He isn’t pressuring you into anything, which is great. A lot of girls end up having sex for the first time with the ‘wrong’ guy because they allow themselves to be nagged or pressured into it for all sorts of stupid reasons.
You need to ask yourself whether all that is stopping you is “first night nerves”. When you are with him do you want to do more but feel compelled to stop because of fear of the unknown? Do you fancy him a lot apart from when you are fooling around together? Is the thought of going further exciting? Do you think this relationship is long term aside from the sex issue?
If the answer to these is yes, then I would talk to him about it, and explain that you think you are ready but are very nervous. From what you have said about him I am sure that he will be very willing to be incredibly patient. If you have the reassurance that you can stop at any time, it will go fine. He will know anyway, but the important thing is to take absolutely ages the first time. No rush whatsoever - you have to be more than ready by the time you do it.
If however, you feel that you really don’t want to do it yet, then don’t. There is only one first time. It sounds like he will wait for you, so wait.
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