A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi im a 28 year old woman in love with a 32 year old guy,we have been dating 6 months now and its really intense from the start,here is the problem:he is married but separated from his wife for the last 2 years they have lived apart in different cities but they have a 3 n half year old son whom he loves.the thing is that im so much in love with him and had a wild past and have mellowed and changed over the years its just that any time there is an issue he brings up my past and insults me when he is drinking he is other wise really good to me,he gets really verbally abusive and also when i ask him about his marital status he says hes separated and only visits that town to see his son but he isnt asking her for a divorce do you think im being taken for a ride and also i was married before and it was terrible marriage he seems insecure about anything i do or say and even more about my past im tired of being in love n faithful to him im so depressed.do men that way change at all?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionall of you were right ..i thank you all for taking time off to answer and offer advice..it turned out that he is physically abusive to i was beaten on my birthday and yet again..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): Drop him like a bad habit. Separated for 2 years, yet not divorced? Ok so he says his son will suffer...how? They're already separated. What's a piece of paper to a four year old child?! AND he's vrbally abusive?!?! Sounds like a winner to me. If you have to ask advice about something...to complete strangers...who may be much worse off than yourself....u should already know the answers to your questions. Ultimatums DON'T WORK when it comes to relationships. Ur setting urself up for failure. Best case scenario...he will stick around until may 2011...and then he will be the one to drop you.
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A
male
reader, sanjayssssss  +, writes (8 November 2010):
hi im a 28 year old woman in love with a 32 year old guy,we have been dating 6 months now and its really intense from the start,here is the problem:
he is married but separated from his wife for the last 2 years they have lived apart in different cities but they have a 3 n half year old son whom he loves.
the thing is that im so much in love with him and had a wild past and have mellowed and changed over the years its just that any time there is an issue he brings up my past and insults me when he is drinking he is other wise really good to me,he gets really verbally abusive and also when i ask him about his marital status he says hes separated and only visits that town to see his son but he isnt asking her for a divorce do you think im being taken for a ride and also i was married before and it was terrible marriage he seems insecure about anything i do or say and even more about my past im tired of being in love n faithful to him im so depressed.do men that way change at all?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys for being honest and frank..your advice does really help..i tried giving him an ultimatum on everything including atleast filing for a divorce since he is seperated already and he flipped and said "in 6 months you want me to make so many changes" and that he knows when is the right time .also he keeps saying his son is going to suffer he is only nearly 4 i feel like a monster but the truth is he sees his son only twice a month anyways even before i met him..and now im getting blamed i have given him time till may 2011,after which ill know maybe even before if the harassment goes on any longer about my past i have to walk out im terrified im gonna land up alone in my life..
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A
male
reader, Latino201  +, writes (7 November 2010):
After reading all the replies. All I can add is this: If you insist on staying with this man then at least give him an ultimatum. If he continues to be abusive even ONCE you will LEAVE and you must mean it.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (7 November 2010):
 We've already told you what you need to do, it's now up to you to either take the advice you've been given or continue to be mistreated. He's not going to change. He's NOT a great guy, he's using you for his own selfish reasons. People don't do that to the ones they truly love. He puts the blame on you for trivial things to minimize the terrible way he treats you. Let me repeat, he's not going to change. Leave him and find a respectful, secure and SINGLE man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): Look, we've already told you that YES he is taking you for a ride but you've chosen to ignore it. This guy is not great, he sounds like an abuser of women. Please see sense and find somebody who isn't married and who knows how to treat a woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit has happened again today he belittled me on the phone and abusive messages .i must add that i came out of a terrible relationship and my present boyfriend said he would not judge me if i came clean and my god now all he does is ask me questions about it and tortures me and also his wife and his ex lover were virgins and im not so what im getting punished ,hes a great guy but insecure please help me how to tell him that i love him but to leave my past alone,he is an intelligent guy who runs an educational institute but why doesnt he get me i feel so humiliated and ashamed about my past but really want a new life ,marriage and kids now..please please help me can i ever be happy with him.?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Yes, by the sounds of it you are being taken for a ride. It also sounds like this guy might have a bit of an alcohol problem. Do you really want to waste your time on a married man who has no intention of leaving his wife?
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (6 November 2010):
He hasn't even tried to get a divorce. Instead, he's probably staying with his wife out of convenience while he has his fun with you. He's not going to leave her for you, he'll only continue to lead you on so he can get what he wants. Don't settle for being second best and don't waste your time waiting for him to change, he's not going to.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-to-do-when-the-person-youre-attracted.html
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