A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:When your guy is really mad at you ....Do you think the no contact thing is the best way to go? is it best to wait for him to call even when you were at fault? (and you know he is angry)Or do you think you should call and push for resolution of the conflict?Help I am not sure what to do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Yup, I think you are both pushing each other away.
Since you broke up once before, I just think you can put this down to incompatibility or to not being ready for a serious relationship.
I think you should stop putting your energy into him and put it into you, start dating other men and doing the activities that you like and if he fits in fine, or if you are over him, move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey I am not sure if you all will see this but thank you for your input.
But the update is. So I decide to call him since he called last night. Big Mistake He is nice but tired. Infact he sounded downright awful (at 6pm).
I sad aren't you sad about this and don't you think we should talk to resolve this?
Oh I just think you are Crazy and I am going to take a nap
And Life is too short.
I felt like saying my point exaclty why waste your time being angry?
But instead I said I hope you find someone you truly love!
Childish behavior for our age.
I think he likes this Drama
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): i really don't know what the issues are in your relationship and why you are having trouble treating each other with respect and dignity or what it is you really want out of him.
Instead of trying this play by play strategy, why don't you wait until the next time you see him and start expressing how what he says to you makes you feel or what ever it is exactly that he is doing or what he's not doing that is not making you happy. Try to handle that at the time it is happening, not with snide comments, but speaking in person and saying what you mean by expressing how you are feeling at that moment....try that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): No.. it sounds like everything is fine now. He clarifies, you apologized. I don't see what's more to be done. Whoever feels like calling the other next, will do so. If he doesn't though in about three days, then go ahead and check in. Tell him you're thinking of him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell here's an update, he called. Hi Sweetie, just wanted to make sure you know I was not out on a date, but did not appreciate your nasty messages. So i said I am sorry and that I hope I have not been exiled from the Kingdom.
And that was it. So now what no see for a few days as my form of punishment?
Well no really I think I should probably wait for his next move and not call him.
Any more advice.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 October 2009):
 That's fine q, time to snap out of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): If he doesn't understand that or isn't willing then your relationship is doomed. If he hasn't done anything to warrant your lack of trust, then all you need to do is relax and let him carry the relationship work for awhile....so let him call you in that case.
In the future communicate what your needs really are, if you wanted him to meet you for dinner the minute you got back in town then why didn't you say so before you left or ask him if he would. Sometimes guys need a road map not a stop sign.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): I am not sure but it sounds to me like he is trying to be in a power struggle with you.
What I think he may be doing is when you got back, you sort of put him on the defensive by saying I thought you'd take me out to dinner, depending on your tone, he may have thought you were mad at him for not setting up a dinner date. When he told you his friend was coming over and how about tomorrow, you called him again twice later in the evening and he didn't answer (he told you he was busy and was with Larry) and then you called back and when he didn't answer you accused him of cheating on you.
You both are at fault here. Men want respect and trust, so when he said he would take you out to dinner the next night, why didn't you let him call to make the arrangements? It's like you are trying to tell him what to do and he doesn't like it and when he doesn't do it, he must be cheating.
I am not saying he might not be trust worthy, maybe he has a pattern of ignoring your calls or standing you up or cheating on you in the past, so if that is the case then you need to tell him that you are working on rebuilding trust and he needs to help you with that and this is what you need him to do to earn back your trust. You have a right to be a bit controlling until you can trust him again.
If he doesn't understand that or isn't willing then your relationship is doomed. If he hasn't done anything to warrant your trust, then all you need to do is relax and let him carry the relationship work for awhile....so let him call you in that case.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Well to be honest, if my man left me messages accusing me of cheating and/or lieing, I would pretty mad too. If you suspect he is up to something, you should wait until you can contact him person to person or face to face and then ask him and have a conversation about it. Leaving accusations on his answering maching and text messages is not the way to go about that. Maybe he is wrong maybe he is seeing other women and that is horrible if it is so, but just wait to talk to him. Maybe leave him a message telling him that you're sorry about the way you went about things, and you'd really just like to have a conversation about it all. He is not likely to confess anything if you're freaking out before he even gets a chance for a confession.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 October 2009):
After reading your follow up, I think I'd wait for him to call. Something is fishy about his not returning your initial calls. Add in the fact that you had been away and he in a hurry to meet up with you or talk to you...yeah I'd definitely wait for him to call.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was away. Called him when I was getting on the plane 3pm. Got in at 6pm. No call. Called him talked. Said I thought you would take me out to dinner. He said how about tomorrow, Larry is coming over. I said fine. I called him later 9pm to ask him something. No answer. Called back at 10 nothing so I said I guess you must be on a date hope u r having fun and I can't take this pushme-pullyou relationship. so then no call sunday. I call at 3 he calls back. Missed call, called back no anwer. No call the rest of the night. I think he may be cheating but don't know. I call later nothing. I was calm but I told him i thought he was lying and how could he lie to me and himself. I don't know if he was, but his not returning the calls played guilt in my mind. Now he is mad that I went crazy. I said well put yourself in my place I am away and it hurt me that you did not see me.
Yes I am playing a guessing game but now we are split up. He is angry about my messages they drive him crazy. So is that is it in nutshell....is he angry about my messages or was he out with another woman. I don't know but we have only been reconciled for 2 months since our previous split!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): I think it's best to respect his current boundries and let him cool off, so don't push him into any resolution. But I do think you should call him once and leave a voicemail or send a text message just to say something like "I know you're still thinking and cooling off but i just wanted to say 'hi' and 'i'm sorry' again."
Just to remind him that you're still there and sorry so he knows you didn't make him mad and then stop caring about it.
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female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 its a tough call, because guys can be just as complicated as girls. a lot of men want the room to breathe, a little "space" to cool off. on the other hand, some guys will expet you to come to them with an apology, if you were in the wrong. so waiting a little can be counter-productive, as her will think you were just being snide and did not want to admit you were wrong. you did not give out any info to what the reasons were as to y ur bf was upset with you, or what you did to make him very angry. this helps out a lot in the advice we give you. without knowing this, we can only give u so much. so perhaps u can elaborate on the issue. keep in mind trying to be fair to both sides, urs and his. thx.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 October 2009):
Depends on what you did to make him mad.
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reader, kayla20  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 if i was you id give him some breathing space to calm down and then call or text just to say your terribly sorry and would like to talk over the issues you have together to try and resolve them.Tell him when his ready to contact you yourl talk and make sure you give the best apology you can
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