A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years now. For the past 8 or 9 months it seems he has been trying to get in touch with a bunch of his exes. I understood 8 months ago when it was near his birthday and he needed some closure of the past ten years but now? He always seems to get in a funk when its the birthday of a few of them. People he dated ten years ago... He promised one hed meet her at the bar and buy her drinks, another their song came on while I was blowing him and he wouldnt let me finish because it had fucked him up so bad. Now when their birthdays are coming up and he gets a bit distant I just feel like dirt. What is this all about? It seems pretty obvious he is lacking something in our relationship but I dont know what. We've been each others best friends and moved in a few months after we got together. We're inseparable. Is this normal behavior? Im a bit younger than him and have less experience with this type of thing so Im really not sure how to take it. Im not sure I can handle this much more especially since he has gotten all secretive about it since he found out it upset me.Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): He obviously can't let go of his past, which he needs to if he wants to be in a relationship with you, also its not good to be secretive about things he needs to be upfront about everything, ask him to talk to you maybe he feels he can't talk about it to you, if it still doesn't solve anything, its unhealthy to keep carrying on this way, so get yourself out of the situation!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): Your boyfriend does seem somewhat too keen on his exes. It could be that he has grown bored with your relationship and longs for the intense passion of early love, which maybe he nostagically associates (accurately or not) with these girls. I have no doubt that nostalgia plays a part here. Regardless, this could be a sign that your relationship is growing stale. You need to sit down and have a serious, adult conversation about this. But I can't guarantee you'll like what you hear. The time may well have come for you 2 to take a break.
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A
female
reader, Fornorina  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 I'm thinking he has a serious screw loose somewhere in his head, because what he is doing is just going to hurt you more and more until you are a complete wreck.
I can understand that a guy would be still connected to his previous exs if you've only been a couple for a few months, but a few years?! And it's not even only one either. It seems like he wants to be over crowded with girls at his birthdays... Do you really want this?
From what you've said, it would seem that you don't. Therefore, you should try talking to him if you would still like to be together. If not, well... Who knows. He's messing you around and the more he does that, the more you get hurt.
Good luck,
- Fornorina
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 February 2010):
To be honest, this isn't normal. Some people do have a fix on one ex, but to have a fix on so many suggests he doesn't have a clue about what he wants. My feelings are that if he is in touch with ex's and is now secretive, that you would be better moving on from now before he really hurts you.
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