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female
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anonymous
writes: Mondote: Please provide your age next time you ask a question to help people who answer your question/s.Been with C for 8years, lived together for 5years and have an 8month old baby. Always had arguments about porn with empty promises about not watching it anymore etc. Two months ago it went too far with phone calls to escorts and prostitutes (while I was pregnant and with a newborn). Confronted him and he said he phoned to ask what they look like but never met them. He was also using chat roulette to talk to girls etc. I ended it, he moved out etc but seemed genuinely sorry and that it was the wake up call he needed and that things would change. He moved back in and really made an effort. I was checking history on laptop etc- nothing untill I downloaded a monitoring system and found out that he watches porn every night when I go to bed (I sleep in another room with baby as she still wakes frequently) and is still using chat roulette. He has lied yet again and I feel I don't want this hurt in my life anymore but feel desperately guilty to my baby as so wanted her to have siblings and a stable family unit. Someone help please? Is this what men do or is this unacceptable? By the way, he rarely tries to initiate sex with me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): I completely disagree with the statement that 'porn use is by no means abnormal'. If the women in these relationships are emotionally battered by their partners porn use then it's NOT ok.
What wil it take for men to get it through their thick heads that porn is not good.
85% of women in porn are sexually abused as children and have neglective father figures, they get into porn for a number of f**ked up reasons but do these men really think these women enjoy what they do? Wake up.
It not about the sex it's about the degradation and humiliation of women, with such titles as 'b**ch gets f**ked in both holes by 3 blokes' etc, and acts such as double anal penetration and fisting and the like - why the demand for this kind of s**t. Because men want to see women humiliated.
In short their a bunch of sick f**ks who sadly think this behaviour is normal.
Women in porn do not enjoy what they do and with the increase in sex trafficking you can bet your bottom dollar hat a lot of what these men are witnessing has actually been rape.
It's a sad sad state of affairs
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 Nope he's addicted. It's not what normal men do, especially when they are in happy relationships. They might occasionally cruise on some porn but not every day.
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A
male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (26 October 2012):
A lot of men watch porn on the internet. So many, in fact, that I have to say it is generally accepted as OK behavior. That doesn't mean all men watch porn or that every woman accepts the practice. There are exceptions. The majority of men, and a good number of women too, do it though. Porn use is by no means abnormal.That said, I have a couple of comments to make. First, I don't equate chat roulette, paid cam girls, or phoning escorts to porn. Porn is completely passive. It is watching a movie, nothing more. It is not live, there is no interaction with anyone involved in making it, and it is private - meaning the viewer is not naked and on a web cam. Those other services are, therefore, not porn. On chat roulette, it is a two way mirror - see and be seen. Cam girls take requests and chat with viewers so they can get tips. Phone sex is of course highly interactive. In my book porn is OK because it is passive, but the others constitute cheating. Again, everyone will have their own value system on this, that is just mine.Finally, as was pointed out - the trust in this relationship is gone. Part of the issue her is a big difference in value systems. OP, you find porn use unacceptable and have banned it. Your significant other obviously disagrees and sees it as OK. That is a major problem and there is no compromise. Making it worse is that he agreed to not use porn, and has continued doing so anyway. So now you cannot trust him, because if he lied about this he could lie about anything. I'm afraid the advice I have to give is to put your happiness first and end the relationship. As a father who went through a divorce, I can assure you that your child will be much happier in a split home situation where both parents are happy, rather than growing up in a home where one or both parents are miserable all the time. You should not have to compromise your values, they just don't match those of your boyfriend/husband. That you have always argued about this is a good indicator that the relationship is not meant to work out.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Zaaleena +, writes (26 October 2012):
Sadly I'm in agreement with Person12345 - there is no trust in this relationship but it also sounds like not a lot of respect from him to you because he keeps continuing to do something that you have expressed clearly that you don't like.
It also sounds like this relationship isn't really providing you with any of the things we think of as integral - support, honesty etc. Also it is difficult enough when you have a little one to look after.
In response to your last question - in my view totally unacceptable and sadly your relationship may have come to the end of the road.
Wishing you the best with whatever you decide x
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 October 2012):
 The trust is completely gone from your relationship, it's time to end it. You don't trust him and he doesn't respect you. This is never going to change. He doesn't want to change and he knows you will keep coming back to him even if he's having phone sex with other women or cyber sex with other women. There's nothing further you can do here, I don't see how this relationship can recover, he's broken your trust to the point where you have to monitor his activities to reassure yourself. You will only make yourself miserable if you stay.
I wish there was some kind of magical trick we could tell you that would fix things, but there just isn't.
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