A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The love of my life has left me after 3 years and gone back to his ex and I'm completely devastated.He says its for the kids sakes and he's broken his own heart by leaving me, that I was also the love of his life, his soulmate and that he will never stop loving me.I'm just heartbroken, words can't describe how I'm feeling inside. I've deleted all pictures/videos of us, all his phone numbers etc and asked him not to contact me- to my horror he hasn't contacted me at all in the week he's been gone. I'm crying none stop, I haven't eaten since he left and all I want to do is sleep. Every single thing I do, every place I go just reminds me of him. Even taking my son to the park on his bike kills me because my ex was the one who taught him to ride it!Please somebody give me some hope in all of this, all I keep receiving is vicious emails from this woman telling me what they're up to, holiday plans, nights out etcMy heart just feels shattered. How long will I feel this way?
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heartbroken, his ex, my ex, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (23 August 2011):
He didnt break his own heart,he is trying to cushion the blow. You are going to have to erase everything about him and build yourself up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): He's got a weak character, so you're better off without him. if it's true that he only went back to his ex for the kids, what exactly does this say about him? He's basically LYING to his children, making them think they have a normal happy loving household when it's all a sham. What kind of person does this?? Lots of people are divorced and bring up their children in separate households in an honest way. What he's doing is not honest.
either that or he's not being honest with you. Maybe he wanted to break up with you anyway but was not man enough to tell you that so he cooks up some lame "it's for the kids" excuse.
He's doing this for himself, not for the kids. He is gaining something from this arrangement. If he was concerned for the kids only, he would be working harder on his role as a father in his current capacity, not switching his romantic partner and creating a house of cards for them.
Next time this woman emails you telling you what they've been up to, you just email back telling her all about your hot date with a new boyfriend. that will steal her thunder AND get him ruffled if she tells him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): My heart aches for you! I've been in a relationship for over a year with the love of my life, we were friends for many years before and I am terrified that he will go back "for the kids", which is a poor excuse.
I'm sure it will take time for you to get over the hurt but like the other people said, you have your son to care for so instead of thinking of him when you're with your son, be the best mom you can be and put all your love into him.
I don't have any suggestions other than take is one day at a time, cry if you need to and hug that little boy of yours. If time goes by and you still feel like staying in bed, find a therapist to talk to. Talking it out with someone who professionally knows how to deal with it may help you a lot.
I'm sure if his heart is as broken as he says it is, he is not happy and is probably feeling the way you do. He made his choice and now he has to live with it.
Take care
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 You are hurting. You are grieving a loss.It is going to hurt for awhile.
It probably came unexpected like a car accident. Now you have wounds that need attention and time.
You deleted all his contact info and yet you are horrorfied the has not contacted you. You asked him NOT to contact you.
If you find you are getting worse and not better, DO seek out a counselor or talk to a Doctor. You need to be strong for your son. Ask for help from family or friends for emotional support and childcare if necessary. You need to heal yourself so you can show your son that you can recover from this hardship. Who knows how long it will take? Everyone is different. I do know that the more effort you put into your healing and seeking out every option made available to you to heal your heart..the faster you will recover.
As for his ex, do not read her emails. Block her info too. Sadly, if she is doing this, she is incredibly insecure in their relationship/arrangement. Since you said he went back for the sake of his child-she knows he is not there for HER. Torturing you makes her feel better. You can not be tortured over what you do not know.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (15 August 2011):
You are hurting. You are grieving a loss.It is going to hurt for awhile.
It probably came unexpected like a car accident. Now you have wounds that need attention and time.
You deleted all his contact info and yet you are horrorfied the has not contacted you. You asked him NOT to contact you.
If you find you are getting worse and not better, DO seek out a counselor or talk to a Doctor. You need to be strong for your son. Ask for help from family or friends for emotional support and childcare if necessary. You need to heal yourself so you can show your son that you can recover from this hardship. Who knows how long it will take? Everyone is different. I do know that the more effort you put into your healing and seeking out every option made available to you to heal your heart..the faster you will recover.
As for his ex, do not read her emails. Block her info too. Shut them both out and you find there are better days ahead with someone who is not stuck in their past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): The others have already said it perfectly. The only thing I can add is block her email address and any phone numbers. She cannot torment you if she can't reach you.
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Pull yourself together. Your kid still need you as a STRONG MOM to carry the life. For ur son sake,please do anything to get over what already happen. Move On! You can DO it!
(Be sure to delete/REJECT any emai regard that woman& him).Don't fall to her trap to make yourself misearble.
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A
male
reader, Aquarian64  +, writes (15 August 2011):
This situation is similar to mine.
She went back three times in three years for the kids and came back after 1 day, 3 days and then two weeks.
She has not done that for two years now and her and ex are good friends.
The only thing you can do is ask yourself, if you want him back then be patient.
My partner is a good person and does not love her ex. Normally i would not have let her back but hers is for the guilt alone and i know they do not love each other.
Although, if i knew what i was in for then perhaps i would not have gone through with
The real problem is that the ex has not moved on and he has options. Perhaps u should not give the option he knows he has.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Sorry, I hit return too fast!
If he's saying he did it for the kids, pretty soon that won't be reason enough. That's like saying "I decided to get thrown into a pit of alligators for the kids". He might have romanticized his good times with his ex, and one or both of them got all nostalgic, and soon, he's nurturing that little ember of the past and has crawled back into the life with her.
If he cheated on her with you, this could explain the vindictive component of her emailing you. However, it doesn't excuse it. Eventually, he'll realize that his new relationship will require just as much or more of an investment than when he was with you.
It's also possible that he went back to her to avoid child support payments if he was unemployed or underemployed and was struggling. Getting back together eases that strain some. Then again, like Jane Austen said, he's ranking the demands of his pocketbook above the demands of his heart. He'll be in misery, that's for sure.
When you see your son biking, before you start getting all misty and pining after this guy, remember that your ex may have taught him, but your son is the star of that story, and you have just as much to do with that.
Just wait it out. Have your cry. Do your mourning, and then you can come back stronger and happier than ever. Whether he's in your life in the future or not, you will be happy and loved, while he's going to be miserable and spent and used up.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 August 2011):
I'm really sorry this happened. I honestly don't know how long you will feel this way, but suffice it to say, if you have the desire to heal, it won't be for long.
I'll tell you what, though. If this woman is doing this crap to you after he went back to her, he's in for a life of absolute hellfire and torment. She is going so far overboard with this vindictiveness and cruelty, imagine what will happen after she stops gloating and basking in her "victory" over you.
Angel's right -- there was a reason why she's an ex. But we tend to romanticize our life back when things were "easier" forgetting maybe how miserable we were or the challenges we faced. If he's saying he did it for the kids,
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (14 August 2011):
 this is really rotten, but you won't feel like this forever don't worry. block the mails from her. she is only doing it coz she feels insecure about you in case he dumps her to go back with you - she is trying to make you think there is no chance of this happening so to forget him.
if its any comfort - just remember - she was his ex FOR A REASON and he was happy without her for the three years he was with you. of course everything reminds you of him, but these feelings will fade the more you get involved in your life without him. you can do this and you have to. so all the reasons they split in the first place have magically disappeared now have they?? wouldn't surprise me if the problems resurface and they split up again. this happened to me a while back. the relationship was only a brief one compared to yours but it still hurt a lot coz all the guy had been telling me was how wonderful i was and what a horrible bitch the ex was, i was only with him for three months when he disappeared and i found out he had gone back to her. they did not stay together
x
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