A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When is the right time to say I love you to someone?? I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months but he has never said he loves me. I don't know if its too early to bring it up or if I should wait. When he's drunk he tells me how special I am and how much he cares about me but he has never said anything when he's sober although he is a very kind, loving person who treats me well and goes out of his way to help me. I just want to know if he loves me or ever will. When should I say something? Thanks
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female
reader, CupidGirl826  +, writes (31 August 2009):
Hello, I'm a 22/F. My boyfriend was the one to say "I love you," to me first. And I questioned him about, I wanted to know what "love" meant to him. I didn't say it first, because (this is really old-school/traditional train of thought) but I felt a guy should be the one to put effort into the relationship first. Like if he wanted to pursue things, I need to know he is really interested.He's 29. And he said it after spending 2-3 weeks with me, where we were seeing each other every day and talking to each other for 8-9 hours a day, and texting in between. We still haven't slept together, he knows that with my culture, I don't believe in anything pre-marital. He does have a past, with normal relationships, etc.He is ready to marry me. And he's a very attractive man, and incredible personality and heart, I just think we need some more time...but the thing he told me was...Before he met me, he had always played the game, not expressing his feelings, etc. However, once we met and he got to know me, he said he knew something was different about us and he couldn't play the game anymore. Anything he felt, he'd tell me. He told me, he finally met someone that he actually cared about what they think, and it was the first time that he felt the really had to chase a girl. I was worth going the extra mile to show he cared.Your guy has intimacy issues, possibly. I was had met another guy before him, nothing physical, just getting to know the guy. Well, I noticed, the guy would tell me a lot of nice things, etc. But would never show it (he was playing the game: a phone call every couple of days, etc). He wouldn't step up to the plate and be man. And I told him, to stop contacting me. I wasn't interested. I realized I need someone who is willing to bend, at least in the beginning. Relationships are about needs and compatibility. This guy may not be able to give you what you need, and if that's the case, you've got to move on. But give him that chance, talk to him about your relationship - without the beer!
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