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He's just confessed to me he's 29... I'm 18, what should I do?

Tagged as: Age differences, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 February 2009) 13 Answers - (Newest, 15 February 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm 18 years old and I fell inlove with an 29 year old man... what's really crazy is that he was an undercover cop. I met him at the hospital in the waiting room, he told me he was 17 years old in high school. I believed him because he does look kind of young but at least like 21... he fell in love with me but he had a confession to make telling me he was going to be 30... but the crazy part is he gave up his badge but is hard to believe him but I really love him what should i do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009):

This sounds like he's full of it.

If you were 25 or older (which, although you are legal now, is just a different stage in your life than at 18), then I wouldn't care about the age difference at all. But the reason why a guy at 30 pursues an 18 year old, is because 18 year olds, God bless you, are just more naive and are liable believe any fairytale. Whereas, if you were older, you would see his story as the load of crap it is.

As you can tell from the various answers below, a lot of the aunts here don't believe his undercover cop story. If I believed every guy who told me a fairy story, then that I means I've talked to guys who were managers of famous bands, in the CIA, and, my personal favorite, a guy who told me he was a lawyer worth $500 billion, thus making him richer than Bill Gates, although no one in the world had ever heard about him before and he lived in the ghetto. Then he asked me for all of my account numbers so he could wire me $10,000. I told him to use Western Union. Oddly enough, the money never came. Never did the car he said he sending.

Ask yourself, *why* did he have to give up his badge for you? You're legal. He's not breaking any law. So, that doesn't make sense. Cops date 18 year olds all the time. Also in order to be a cop, much less an undercover one, meant that he went through the rigors of Police Academy and then put in God knows how many years just to reach that level of his career, and he gave it up just like that for you? And its not even necessary, because you are of legal age? I have to tell you, that just doesn't make sense.

I'll clue you in on why he said he was undercover and gave up his badge... its so if you asked him where did he work and then tried to look it up and find out that precinct never even heard of him, he would say "Oh, its because I was deep undercover and they can't give out that information, so of course you won't find me." Which, again, is bullshit. I promise you... try it. He'll say those words.

Honestly, give this one a miss. Not to deny what you feel, but you don't love him because you don't know the real him. He hasn't been a honest about a thing. For all you know, he's some drug addict living with his mom.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009):

I must admit it sounds strange that an undercover cop would just give up his (good) job as easily as that. Has he got any proof that he was telling the truth about his job, it sounds like a lie to me. Also remember that he has already lied to you about his age, so you have to think to yourself what else has he lied about.

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (15 February 2009):

duskyrowe agony auntFor you to believe that he is 17, he must look like a very young 30.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009):

First is the age diff.its too big in my opinion,but not imposible.but he's a liar!!He lied twice that you know of,what else is he going to lie about?and he's a cop? Man, i would hate for him to arrest ne or even search my car after he had a bad day.there's no tellin what kind of report he would write about you.compulsive liar.i wouldn't give him the time of day,and i hope you see he's not worth your time. Besides, what if he already has someone else!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009):

RED FLAGS! WARNING SIGNS! DANGER! DANGER!

I realize when you meet someone you are attracted to, you want to believe what they are telling you, but get real!

First he tells you he is 17, then he tells you he is 29, then he tells you he is an undercover cop...and that he quit the force????????????? Has he told you anything that you know for a fact is true???

I would be very cautious if I were you. He sounds like a compulsive liar, and I wouldn't believe anything he says! Do you know his real name? If so, google him. Or what police dept did he claim to work for? There are ways to find out what are lies and what is the truth. I would be doing some research it I were you.

I could understand the lies about his age for fear you would reject him if you thought he was too old for you. But the rest is frightening!

Be careful, don't confuse attraction for love. And if you do find out that it was all lies, ask yourself "what the hell am I attracted to?"

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (14 February 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntAlarm bells are ringing here! Is he really a cop or had he just slipped out from the pschi ward? I'm sure the age thing isn't a major issue but I would be very cautious about his cover story.

Be careful!

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A female reader, lightningrod247 United States +, writes (14 February 2009):

Yeah. Age is the least of your problems there. You got proof he is an undercover cop? That whole thing sounds suspicious. Please be careful.

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A female reader, kathy255 United States +, writes (14 February 2009):

Sounds nuts find out if he is or was really a cop. He may be lying about everything you might want to find some things out before you get too involved.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009):

What to do? Dump him he's a liar. If you think it will stop there, think again. Heading for heartbreak.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009):

What is hard to beleive, that he gave up his badge. How do you know he was an undercover cop, who says so...does he have proof, a badge number? Something doesn't sound right here......how long did it take him to tell you the truth about his age.....he sounds creepy, sorry.

I hope you tell your parents about this, and his lying about his age.....I think he is too old for you at your age, if you were say, 25 and he was 35 it would be better, but I think he took advantage of a naive girl and it is very very easy for a guy to say he loves you, it still doesn't mean that he is commited to you....and won't ever hurt you.....so I would keep my guard up and make him earn your trust, because he has already lied to you about a big age gap for such a young girl.

Be careful, what do you really know about him, who are his friends, does anyone you know know about him?

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A female reader, Dazed~Confused Canada +, writes (14 February 2009):

Dazed~Confused agony auntThere is a big difference between an 18 year old and a 29/30 year old. The bottom line is that he lied to you from the very beginning, so you have to ask yourself what else could he have lied to you about.

Moreover, he's a cop. While what he did may not be illegal, it does raise some questions about his moral character.

If I were you I would move on. There are plenty of men out there closer to your age who will respect you enough to be honest with you.

If however, you really feel that you want to be with him, then he's going to have to make the effort to prove to you that he's sincere.

Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009):

Um the lies seem strange here, he sounds like one of those people who just lies all the time. Warning sign!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009):

I am 19 and my boyfriend is 29 also, we have a great relationship. I try not to have any worries... we are young just live life day by day

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