A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband came home from being gone over seas for 7 months..The first wk things were ok and then it just got worse. He told me he wasn't in love with me and that there is just no spark there no more. I felt like dying right there. Well I thought first that maybe b/c he was dealing with his problems from over seas but he said hes been feeling like this for a while. I'm guessing well over a year. Anyways..so It tells me that he doesn't want me to leave and that he wants me to stay but things just got really bad. He ignored me. No talking, touching eye contact. I felt like a stranger in my own house, so alone. I didn't know how to act anymore. One night it was bad so I told him I'm leaving the next day. And it said he was probably for the best b/c its not getting better. So I leave and go back to my parents (with my 9 yr old daughter). The next day he calls crying wanting me to come home b/c he doesn't want to do this without me and be in the house without me or our daughter. So I go home. Now I wouldn't have gone if he didn't love me. He told me he did on the phone. Well I go home and bout 3 days later. Talking come to find out, he still isn't in love with me. He said that he thought I wouldn't come home if I knew he wasn't still in love with me. I'm so up set about that. Well since I been home things has gotten better and well I just keep thinking why am I here if he doesn't love me.Well one night I told him I wanted a divorce. We have talk about this before, anyways. I told him I wanted a divorce that I cant stay if he doesn't love me. Next morning he ws crying saying he doesn't want me to leave and that he does love me..Well....few weeks later..I went to him and told him that we need to talk. I need some questions answered before I feel like I can move on in our marriage and once again...hes not in love with me..So I feel as my heart is being played with. He says he cares fore me and that he doesn't want me to leave and that hes trying. And I know he is but geez make up your mind.The thing is he doesn't talk to me, he avoids it..like things will just get better and I told him that we need to talk. We just cant ignore it and hope for the best. He tells me just stop thinking about it...HOW CAN I? It's my life, well when he told me for the 3rd time that he was in love with me I told him that I'm leaving after our daughter gets out of school (who's 9). He doesn't say much, avoids it. I would talk about what we are going to do with the stuff and he doesn't say anything..like its just going to go away..I'm lost here...I love him so much..But after hearing someone tell you they love you for 10 years to not hearing it at all..it hurts...lost.....
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divorce, move on, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, moon river  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 Don't make excuses for a man who is willing to trap you in a loveless relationship and waste your life!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I told him that I wanted to do marriage counseling. and he said when do I have time? and that hes not avoiding it just busy I guess at work..Well It seems every time I tell him we need to talk he shuts down..He said what else is there to say, we already talk..and that he doesnt know what I want him to say..and I told him we havent really talk..You always say I dont know I dont know..and it makes me so mad..You have to know why you stop and why after feeling like this for a year you can all of a sudden tell me..I dont know.I told him Im leaving in June..I cant do this no more..Its hard b/c we never fight, we get along good..but I need more. More then I think he can give...Its going to be hard..I been with him since I was 18 right out of school and parents house. (hes 6yrs old then me). So I have so much I need todo...I have to learn to do things on my own..fine a job and take care of me and my daughter..
Oh and one other thing..He has to TDY to Korea for a year..Im not sure I want to wait a whole year for a man thats not inlove with me....
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (31 March 2011):
You deserve someone who loves you.
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A
female
reader, frustrated1990  +, writes (31 March 2011):
I would say to separate for a while. Give him time to figure things out in his own heart. If he does love you he'll come crawling back. Right now, and I'm sure he's not doing it on purpose, but he's playing mind games with you and that's not healthy. He's being selfish in thinking that he can keep you all to himself while you only have him every now and then, when he thinks he loves you. If he doesn't clean up his act and start acting like a husband is supposed to (i.e loving and caring and being there for you when you need him|) then yeah, I'd leave him
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Have you asked the question "Is there someone else"?
He's reminding me of a man who is hedging his bets. He's left you for seven months and then comes back distant and being a yo yo about whether or not he loves you. I wonder if he met someone overseas that he's thinking about and can't be with, so he'd rather settle for you than be alone.
You need someone who not only isn't wavering in his love for you, but feels and believes it so strongly that he would die for you. Nothing and no one could shake his love for you. And love isn't just words. It's actions.
He's not the only one who is wavering. You are wavering out of fear of being rejected and being alone. Also, you are considering your child too. Let me tell you - your child senses when things aren't right between you.
You may be afraid of the answer to why he's fallen out of love for you. Don't be afraid. The truth may hurt, but it will set you free. Plan on life without this guy. Do not let him hedge his bets with you until someone better comes along. You deserve to be loved and cherish without a single blemish to that feeling of security.
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