A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for nearly 2 years now and I love my partner very much. I knew that he was taking coccaine probably twice a week which wasn't a problem to me, however a few times now he has been taking it in secret without telling me, once again I have found evidence of this. I have spoken to him about this and told him that there is no need to lie to me about doing this as I don't have an issue with it and he has promised me this wouldn't happen again.Today I found something which has lead me to believe that he is again doing this in secret.Please give me advice as to what to do next.
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Perhaps, you did not mind your b/f using cocaine because your understanding of it, is that it is a "recreational drug", or similar like marijuana, therefore "harmless" when taken in small dosage?
I found these sites, which I thought may be helpful for you. Please read each article and Q/A or blog in these links:
http://www.ca.org/
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1704
http://www.steadyhealth.com/cocaine_addiction_t57823.html
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/238085
http://www.nida.nih.gov/researchreports/Cocaine/cocaine.html
If he allowed himself to get deeper into the addiction, he is endangering his life. He may also endanger yours. Addicts are known to do anything to get money to feed their habit: steal, prostituting, lie, etc etc etc. You know the rest.
Please get yourself to the nearest clinics to get tested for STDs/STIs. You did not mention whose money he uses to buy his coke, nor how good a judgment he makes when he is under the influence ... but just in case ... you'd want to know about your health first. He also may need to be tested.
Losing someone to a terminal illness while you stand by their side and watch the whole process is painful even for the person being left behind. Watching someone slowly ruin themselves to death when the had the choice not to do drugs is even more painful for the loved ones.
I hope you will see that there is nothing good in abuse of subtance/drugs, until you get out of it.
Please do something about it. For your own sake, and for his.
Cat
A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 If he's doing this in secret then it needs to become an issue to you. He's addicted, there is really no such thing as casual cocaine use.
He needs professional help, such as counseling and detox. He needs to get sober. If you're telling him that it's ok to use, and he's still hiding it, then he's obviously doing much much more than you could probably imagine.
Urge him to seek help, and in the meantime seek some counseling for yourself as well. We all should know the dangers of drug abuse at this point, and I am amazed taht you would enable this potentially deadly behavior and not be bothered by it.
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A
female
reader, foul temptress +, writes (4 March 2009):
It sounds like you need to have a good talk with him. I wouldn't say that you suspect he doing it again as he may feel like youre snooping around. Just sit down for a chat and ask him outright if hes still doing it. If hes hiding the fact it maybe cause hes embarrassed. Maybe he does wanna stop and his way of convincing himself is to hide it.You need to be supportive and understanding. I wouldnt push him too hard but it sounds like he needs your help.
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